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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“Anyone can talk a good story”!

So one of the statements I hear a lot is “yes I know that”. This happens after I communicate an important area of focus for that person and the person keeps responding “yes I know that”!

The “yes I know that” person generally wants you to move on quickly because they think they know it all, so let’s not labor it, tell me something I don’t know.

I have to pull them back to what they are not seeing.

You see many people are using their “reactive fast brain” to make sense of their world and this isn’t helping them explore what they don’t initially see.

Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there

This is the concept of what I think I know really isn’t enough to support myself and my relationship.

Being blind to their reality can help a person make terrible life decisions divorce regret being one of them.

People have to understand what they know, isn’t all there is. This a big problem for people who are successful in other areas of their life.

They have the ability to transfer that confidence to parts of their life they have no natural connection to.

One example is the world their partner lives in, all the intelligence in the world doesn’t naturally create that knowledge.

So if they have all the answers why is their partner so unhappy?

The person that knows it all can now only blame their partner for being the problem.

This perspective will only magnify their problems.

Plus the next problem they are not seeing is “knowing it” isn’t where the power sits.

Knowledge isn’t power, taking action is the power.

Anyone can talk a good story, but can they walk the talk.

So if a person knows it, why are they not taking action on it, or doing it?

That’s the real question.

When someone keeps telling me “yes I know that” and I can see very clearly what they say they know isn’t being actioned in their marriage the question of why is it not happening is where we go next.

So either they think they know, but they really they don’t.

Or…

They know it, but don’t see the importance of taking action on it.

Either way without the appropriate action taking place the person will stay stuck in their problems.

This is why slowing down our thinking and looking at what’s really going with the right information and perspective can reveal the hidden truths that will be the difference that makes the difference for that person.

It’s like the saying we all know “an apple a day will keep the doctor away”!

“Yes, yes I know that” many will say, but are they taking action and eating an apple a day?

Research tells us this simple act of an apple a day is hugely beneficial to our health.

We all know this and it’s easy to do, but it’s also easy to not do and this is the problem so many experience.

Just because I can’t see the logic doesn’t mean it isn’t there

So just because a partners’ actions and their behaviour doesn’t seem logical does it mean there is no logic in what they are doing?

Of course not, it just a logic they are not connected to.

Understanding helps people to make sense of this previously misunderstood logic and now they can support instead of judge.

Once people understand each other perspectives only then do they know it.

Then taking action then becomes a choice and that’s the key.

The key here is creating the right understanding and then using that knowledge to be of value.

So many think they understand but really don’t, yet are still convinced they are right.

Some understand, but don’t see why it’s important because they are looking from their own perspective.

Some know they don’t understand, but are looking for answers.

The acid test is this: Are your actions making your partner happy? If they are not then the chances are this is the knowledge you are missing.

To really understand your partner and what they need you have to remove your own perspectives and emotional filters and replace them with theirs.

Only then will you start to get close to what they are experiencing.

Your partner is not like you at all so is it little wonder why so many are disconnected and upset?

Until a person can connect to their partners world what is the point of their connection?

Category iconMarriage Coaching,  Personal Development

"Clients have been kind enough to want to support YOU because they were once in your shoes"

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • When a marriage breaks down – What do I do?
  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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