If your marriage feels like it’s running on fumes — constant tension, walking on eggshells, or wondering where the connection went — it’s likely because you’re trapped in patterns that are quietly poisoning the relationship.
- Not intentionally.
- Not maliciously.
- Just unconsciously.
Welcome to the Stop & Never Series — a no-fluff breakdown of some common emotional behaviours that must end if a marriage is ever going to thrive.
In every relationship that’s struggling, there are repeated behaviours that inject resentment, defensiveness, disconnection, or fear. These behaviours build emotional toxicity, and no positive habit, communication tip, or date night strategy will work until the emotional poisoning is cleared.
That’s why this series starts with what must be subtracted first.
You don’t need 1,000 shifts to make a failing marriage work – you just need two shifts first step is to stop doing what doesn’t work and start doing what does.
This post is about starting the process of stopping what doesn’t work.
This is the first step in emotional leadership—knowing that subtracting the problem makes room for real love, safety, and passion to return.
Each “Stop” and “Never” is linked to a deeper article that explains:
Scroll down to explore 30 “Stop & Never” rules. Click the tiles to read the short explanations.
Change doesn’t begin with doing more.
It begins with stopping what could never work first.
“My Partner Blames ME for Everything!”
“My partner constantly tells me I’m the problem, so I get blamed for everything!” This is a common complaint that enters my sessions. To be fair it…
“I Don’t see the Problem..!?”
What do you do when one person is unhappy in their marriage and the other says they are perfectly happy and can’t/won’t see the problem? Many…
“NEVER Sweep Problems Under The Carpet!”
I have seen so many people who have had problems for years, and for a quiet life or to protect the relationship, they ignore them, they hope they will…
The RULES for Being UPSET?
Have you ever noticed that some people can look for ways to be upset, either by a situation, what someone said, or what they think they should have…
“You made me feel…”
You made me feel terrible, upset, angry, mortified these are a few emotions people blame others for making them feel. I hear people in sessions…
How Emotional Patterns Destroy Marriages
The challenge we all face is that, on some level, we all have some kind of unhelpful pattern that we learned growing up. It’s nothing to be ashamed…
“A Simple Reason Why Relationships Fail!”
If you want to know the most common reason why relationships fail so you can avoid it, this post is for you, because in the land of failed…
NEVER let your partner enter a “CRITICAL NEEDS DEFICIT!”
Who knew each person on a planet is driven by different and very specific emotional needs? When these needs are not met couples will always experience…
“I don’t TRUST YOU enough to want to hear you!”
Losing trust in someone is what resentments will do to a person, especially when those resentments are stacked over time. It blocks them from…
“Why do you feel qualified to be his judge?”
It’s rare I allow a couple to engage in conflict in my sessions. I don’t see the point in them paying me to watch them argue, they can do that at home…
“Her husband is suffering and she is unaware!”
Yesterday I shared a post about how women in marriages are suffering, but of course, it’s only half the story. Men are suffering too, but women are…
Women are struggling, but men don’t understand why
I have had hundreds of sessions where a lady in a session is sharing her upset and the man is totally confused as to why she would feel this…
What will break the connection?
“We don’t have fun, I don’t feel that I matter, we bicker all the time and to top that we have nothing exciting interesting and fulfilling to look…
Knowledge isn’t power – but it’s a start
I spend most of my time teaching very bright people how to understand their relationship and their partner’s behaviours and words. One of the…
Stop bickering and arguing
Arguing is really a power struggle between two people who are forcefully wanting the other person to see things their way. If you looked at it from…
“Never attach your meanings to your partner’s words and actions!”
One of the fastest ways to spark conflict is to assume the meaning you are attaching to your partners’ words is the right meaning. I remember…
“Living with a problem partner”
If anyone wants to have a successful lasting marriage then a person’s relationship with themselves is critical to master before they can ever be…
“Never be a dream killer”
With only one life, everyone deserves to live their dream or at least have a go. One of the challenges is when a partner wants to block that dream…
“STOP making YOUR partners upset about YOU!”
One of the most common patterns is when one person becomes upset and the other becomes upset because they are upset. This kind of…
“Never try to change your partner”
I’m going to share why trying to change your partner is likely to kill your connection, your attraction for each other and negatively affect your sex…
Never make anything more important than your partner
When anything becomes more important than your partner problems will never be far away. Too many relationships are stressed because a husband or a…
Never Ignore Your Partner’s Cry for Help
I remember as a child, in my first ever game of hide and seek, I closed my eyes because I thought if I couldn’t see them, they won’t be able to see…
“What’s wrong with you!?”
I have seen so many couples come into sessions with a belief about their partners’ reaction to a situation, they tell me it was clearly ridiculous…
“If you loved me you’d know…”
“If you loved me you’d know” I have heard this in sessions so many times and it’s a significant problem for those couples. I have to STOP people…
“Stop EXPECTATIONS they stress relationships”
People in relationships need to STOP setting their expectations of each other because it doesn’t lead to harmony, it only creates disappointment…
Why Lie?
Lies decimate relationships because they break trust a foundation the relationship can’t function without. Lies are interesting because some people…
Affairs are not solutions to anything
People in unhappy relationships can find themselves being tempted into affairs. To them, the affair has magically solved the unhappiness…
“Why NAGGING has to STOP!”
The person nagging either wants the person they are nagging to align with the problem as they see it, or they want the person to take the action they…
“Never BE your partners’ judge”
The fastest way to build resentment, create disconnection and move them to meet their needs outside of the relationship is to tell them you are…
“Never Threaten The End of the Relationship!”
I’m introducing a new category into this blog. It’s called “Stop and Never” Mini Post Series, which should be under 200 words – I’ll try…