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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“I don’t TRUST YOU enough to want to hear you!” – Mini Post

Losing trust in someone is what resentments will do to a person, especially when those resentments are stacked over time.

It blocks them from wanting to hear what their partner is saying.

“Blah Blah Blah, you want me to change and you want me to listen, you want me to do it your way, but what about what you did..?”

Resentments cloud judgement, resentments shift emotional patterns, they change short-term feelings, they change memories so they can rewrite history.

This can help people to destroy the very things they want to keep or love.

This is why putting a couple in a room to listen to each other’s problems is not a good idea until they are both helped to be ready, minus the resentments – This is why strategy is everything when helping couples out of a crisis.

They think they have a marriage problem but…

The resentful person is usually under the impression they have a marriage problem and they probably want to escape on some level.

What they are totally unaware of is due to their ongoing disconnect what’s been evolving is a relationship with themselves problem.

They have lost connection with themselves some may say “I don’t like who I become when I’m around you!”

They have created a version of themselves that even they don’t like, but they will usually blame their partner which results in this self-destructive model of making others responsible for how they feel.

No responsibility = No response ability = no ability to respond.

So by having no ability to respond they give their problem to others essentially they give them the power to make them happy or not – it’s no wonder they are so resentful.

Who puts their happiness in someone else’s hands?

The irony is it’s the people that need to control others, who are the ones giving away the control without knowing.

So the problem is this…

This change in them is NOT the identity that will keep this person safe.

It won’t keep a person safe because holding onto and stacking resentments only hurts that person.

It’s like drinking the poison and hoping others will die.

They won’t make safe decisions only reactive ones (reactive = out of control).

I am unusually seeing at least one person a month who has deeply regretted a life-changing decision through not understanding themselves or this process they were in well enough.

They wake up, regret and are now in the fight of their life

Now they are in the fight of their life as they have rediscovered their true identity again – it’s like an awakening has been ignited based on their loss.

In this new identity they would never have let their partner go – “…what was I thinking?”

  • Partners that have been sexually dead in the relationship wake to a ferocious sexual desire.
  • Others who sat in front of the TV every night now want new adventures.
  • They are hungry to learn how to be better.
  • They are more patient
  • More loving
  • They want to listen.
  • These people are now hungry to connect!

The key is to take action before the ill-thought-out decisions and regret set in.

So to help them see the reality of their relationship they must build a relationship with themselves where they can trust themselves to be themselves.

Too many people have lost connection with themselves and are simply lost and afraid, some wondering if they can actually trust themselves.

For many, it’s easier not to trust – and if other people are always the problem, why do I need to get the help?

Their thinking is trying to avoid vulnerability, but the result of this focus is damaging for this person because they don’t learn anything, they never grow, so there’s never any progress.

More irony: This person has created a process that actually makes them more vulnerable.

So I have to wake clients up to look at themselves before they launch into an emotional assassination of their partner and hurt themselves.

I have to shift people out of their resentments so they can see the truth.

The way I see it is lovely people are hurting each other because they are not understanding what to do, they lose connection with themselves and someone is to blame.

So NEVER make fear a driving force to make life-changing decisions, because no one ever ends up liking the result.

Category iconStop & Never - Mini Posts

"Clients have been kind enough to want to support YOU because they were once in your shoes"

Read their stories!

Recent Posts

  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!
  • “Identity Secrets”- Mini Post
  • Committing to Personal Integrity – Mini Post
  • Men are afraid – Mini Post
  • Are you in a trading relationship? – Mini post
  • Communicating with MEN – Mini Post
  • From Stephen Hedger to you…
  • “Divorce won’t solve this…” – Mini Post
  • “He will remember it all forever!” – Mini Post
  • “She never knew this was her job!” – Mini post
  • Leadership Skills for Relationships – Mini Post
  • What makes a good partner? – Mini post
  • “Do you have good family values?” – Mini Post
  • “Which man should she choose?” – Mini post
  • “Did you enjoy yourself?” – Mini Post
  • The connection that kills passion – Mini post
  • “Why she stops finding him attractive” – Mini post

Over 1000 Relationship Articles

Categories

  • A thought for Sunday
  • Communication
  • Destructive Patterns
  • Discussion
  • Infidelity-Affairs
  • Loss of Love
  • Loss of passion
  • Lost Attraction
  • Marriage Coaching
  • Personal Development
  • Rebuilding trust
  • Relationship Stories
  • Retirement Crisis
  • Save Marriage Alone
  • Separation & Divorce
  • Stop & Never – Mini Posts
  • Stuck
  • Testimonials
  • Top 10 Popular Posts
  • Uncategorized

 

Primary Sidebar

I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

Popular Posts

  • Women are struggling, but men don’t understand why
  • Built an Empire and lost a Family
  • Marriage in Limbo
  • Rebuilding Connection & Trust
  • Divorce Regret
  • Divorce Prevention
  • Resentment Stacking
  • 36 Principles For Success
  • My Wife is Aggressive
  • A Wise Old Man's Decision
  • I was in tears
  • Tourtured by the past

Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Head Office
10 Harley Street
London
W1G 9PF

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

  • Marriage Counselling Alternative
  • Cloe Hedger (Stephen’s wife)
  • Marriage Breakthrough Program
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  • About
  • Success Stories
  • Over 1000 Articles
  • FAQs
  • Mission: Vision: Values:

Recent Posts

  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!
  • “Identity Secrets”- Mini Post

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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