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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“Living with a problem partner” – Mini post

If anyone wants to have a successful lasting marriage then a person’s relationship with themselves is critical to master before they can ever be successful with someone else.

It’s why when I start any work with a couple I focus on each person and their relationship with themselves first.

You cannot put two people in a session together unless they want to protect the relationship and each other.

So individuals with distorted relationships with themselves will need help because they will be conditioned to either demand, defend, attack or manipulate so not conducive for relationship building.

Most people need some help as troubled marriages do seem to throw people off centre. It’s not uncommon for one person to have lost who they are so will need help reconnecting.

A person who has an emotional system that keeps leading them to fear or unhappiness is going to put pressure on their partner to keep supporting them in some way.

So they become a drain rather than someone who adds value.

In contrast, a person who has an effective relationship with themselves will understand how to deal with their own emotions and will be able to bring the best out of themselves and bring that to the relationship.

Let’s imagine this unhappy person (ineffective relationship with themselves) what do they have to do to be happy again?

That person will likely become addicted to the thing(s) they think will make them happy.

Some go to what’s easy so they turn to drink, they’ll do drugs, or buy more stuff, and some become a needy partner who becomes addicted to meeting certain needs destructively, these are a few common examples I see.

In relationships an unhappy person will either bring emotions to control their partner or they will withdraw to control what happens to them, or they will become a problem partner to control the relationship.

A problem partner is someone who may use an ailment such as depression to meet their relationship needs in a low-level way.

All these mechanisms are designed for the unhappy person to meet their needs by controlling others.

Their message is – I need you to do what I say so I’m emotionally okay.

It’s a lot of pressure and a trade that kills connection and intimacy.

The problem is the way they are meeting their needs is further disconnecting them from themselves and crippling their connection with their partner.

This creates too much stress, it cripples the concept of them being lovers and turns one person into the carer/pleaser based on their demands.

People that are successful in life turn up to their life happy they make themselves responsible for their happiness.

People that are unsuccessful in life tend to not want to take responsibility for how they feel, they turn up to their life hoping/demanding life will make them happy, this leaves them constantly powerless which is why they are unhappy.

They are powerless because they keep needing other people or things/events to make them happy this means they have little control over the outcome.

So happiness for them is a hit-and-miss affair.

Relationships are full of these types of destructive model.

So please know the best relationships are created by people who understand their happiness is their own responsibility.

What everyone wants is a person in their life that shows up in a good emotional state and adds value in a meaningful way.

So if this is what they want then they must also put this expectation on themselves first.

That’s the challenge many have a greater expectation of others than they do themselves and this pattern of behaviour is critical to change.

Category iconStop & Never - Mini Posts

"Clients have been kind enough to want to support YOU because they were once in your shoes"

Read their stories!

Recent Posts

  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!
  • “Identity Secrets”- Mini Post
  • Committing to Personal Integrity – Mini Post
  • Men are afraid – Mini Post
  • Are you in a trading relationship? – Mini post
  • Communicating with MEN – Mini Post
  • From Stephen Hedger to you…
  • “Divorce won’t solve this…” – Mini Post
  • “He will remember it all forever!” – Mini Post
  • “She never knew this was her job!” – Mini post
  • Leadership Skills for Relationships – Mini Post
  • What makes a good partner? – Mini post
  • “Do you have good family values?” – Mini Post
  • “Which man should she choose?” – Mini post
  • “Did you enjoy yourself?” – Mini Post
  • The connection that kills passion – Mini post
  • “Why she stops finding him attractive” – Mini post

Over 1000 Relationship Articles

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  • Stop & Never – Mini Posts
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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

Popular Posts

  • Women are struggling, but men don’t understand why
  • Built an Empire and lost a Family
  • Marriage in Limbo
  • Rebuilding Connection & Trust
  • Divorce Regret
  • Divorce Prevention
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  • 36 Principles For Success
  • My Wife is Aggressive
  • A Wise Old Man's Decision
  • I was in tears
  • Tourtured by the past

Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Head Office
10 Harley Street
London
W1G 9PF

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

  • Marriage Counselling Alternative
  • Cloe Hedger (Stephen’s wife)
  • Marriage Breakthrough Program
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  • About
  • Success Stories
  • Over 1000 Articles
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Recent Posts

  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!
  • “Identity Secrets”- Mini Post

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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