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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“A Simple Reason Why Relationships Fail!” – Mini Post

If you want to know the most common reason why relationships fail so you can avoid it, this post is for you, because in the land of failed relationships there is one clear winner.

When you sit in my shoes and you see the people that make it and the ones that don’t, clear markers appear that tell us why and this is what I want to share with you today.

You see before couples see me they can be forgiven for not understanding how their relationship with themselves works – most people are emotionally reactive.

They can be forgiven for not understanding how their partner is different and what to do when things go wrong – most people feel fear, resentment or anger when their partner makes no sense.

They can be forgiven for not understanding how to be a team due to so many differences – they don’t know how to influence each other positively.

Couples naturally create a distressing confusion with each other, and so lovely people end up doing awful things to each other without knowing.

This problem is a trend in those couples that don’t that make it.

The problem is the trait that kills most relationships is embedded in what couples in crisis practice it’s the compounding factor of their disconnect.

So if anyone is practising the “it’s all about me” pattern then you are likely to be counting the days.

‘It can’t be all about YOU!”

“Me” focused relationships usually die. Me focused relationship is where on some level the person has a need to put themselves at the centre of their relationship.

It’s always about them.

“Me” focused relationships usually end up with a poor emotional connection, many have to trade with their partner to get their needs met, and others will suffer from intimacy challenges.

In extreme cases, the couple will suffer with all three.

Successful couples learn the art of making their time together be about each other not themselves.

Couples in crisis tend to put themselves at the centre

Couples in crisis do the opposite of this, they end up protecting themselves from each other, and they are focused on what they are not getting, or how their partner should be better.

In a state of emotional deficit, they will put their own needs first and at the centre, it’s understandable but people that are coached by me will learn why this never works.

There are many ways in which people make their relationship all about them.

The key is I have to coach them out of this or they will keep breaking their connection.

I remember talking to a wife who told me how amazing her husband was in arranging her 60th.

He went to great lengths to make it amazing, invited all her friends and arranged everything, and spent the party telling everyone what he had done for his wife.

She had a lovely time, but something felt off.

So many people were telling him and her what a great husband he was, and how they wish their husbands were like him, he was basking in the glory of his achievement and all the accolades.

It eventually dawned on her that he didn’t create that party for her he created it so everyone could see how amazing he was, but it wasn’t the truth at home he wasn’t thoughtful at all.

He put on a show.

In fact, she suddenly realised everything he did was about him.

She suddenly woke up, she was making their relationship about him, but so was he.

This pattern has to change

So what we are looking for is the ability for each person to not make their marriage and what happens in it about them.

In any part of life, successful people do not focus on themselves, they focus on contributing to add value to something like a child, a community, an audience, a business.

Successful people have discovered that when they contribute to something that is important to them and it grows successful they feel fulfilment.

The old saying says there is no “I” in “team” and although we have all heard it a thousand times it’s still true.

A relationship is a team and until you are in a team in all the areas that matter, your connection will be in a state of erosion.

To be clear.

Every couple in crisis is focused on themselves due to their fears, so a reactive uncoached person this is a normal response, so they feel they have to protect themselves, some are upset through expectations not being met.

These are all me-focused activities.

It’s why they move to relationship-killing models such as judging, blaming, and demanding.

BUT! The model has to change if they want to discover their relationship’s truth.

It’s also important that being a team doesn’t mean always doing things your partners’ way and it also doesn’t mean compromising.

Compromising simply means two people not getting what they want and who wants that?

Compromising for men can emasculate them and compromising for women can push them to become too masculine – I explain when/if we speak.

The healthy dynamic is two people loving and caring for each other, but couples don’t keep that energy alive and so they will need help understanding why and what they must do.

So please never make it about you and if you feel you have no choice then please make contact.

If this has struck a cord and you want clarity from me on your specific problem please get in touch.

You can fast-track to a paid session so I can assess and share the problem I am seeing or you can gain access to a free call where you will learn the process of how I would help you out of your crisis.

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"Clients have been kind enough to want to support YOU because they were once in your shoes"

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!
  • “Identity Secrets”- Mini Post

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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