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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“How to become a team and save your marriage from divorce”

In today’s post, I’m not going to hold back because getting this part wrong means a life of unhappiness so if you have had enough this post might be for you.

Unless a couple becomes an effective team, without exception, the relationship will suffer, and many marriages will end.

People who don’t become a team will feel disconnected, isolated, alone and unloved.

Couples that agree to live a life together but don’t learn how to become a team will end up having to live their lives separately. 

This looks like a transactional existence where two people live like caretakers to a home, sadly they are showing their children this is how relationships work.

This is a devastating normal for the children to learn.

Not being a team means they live in a relationship that never reaches its true potential.

Unable to be a team means the family is being guided by a poor management team with poor connection skills and usually no shared vision.

It’s like two people agreeing to have an amazing voyage through life together. They jump on a ship and sit in a harbour for years on end, blaming each other for the relationship going nowhere.

When I hear people talking about being a team, they never see the correct starting point.

You see, you can’t be a good team member if that person isn’t a good person.

To be clear a good person is a person who lives with integrity.

A person who has values and a moral code they live by.

A person who has values is someone who is committed to those values.

You see, there is little point in having values if they cannot commit to those values themselves.

What I see is people expect their partners to be good people whilst they blame, judge, and punish their partners, none of which is loving or kind.

These behaviours don’t represent a good team member and aren’t reflective of a person with integrity.

Good team members learn how to get the best from themselves and their partners.

A good team member becomes accountable for the state of the relationship.

A good team member becomes a responsible adult.

Responsibility really equals the ability to respond which is the thinking that puts us in the driving seat.

Good people in successful relationships simply do not make the relationship about themselves it’s the fastest way to kill their connection.

To be clear, I don’t actually see most people as either good or bad; what I really see is happy or unhappy people.

People sit in session complaining about how awful their partner is, totally blind to the fact they are also a mirror of the problem.

Kick a partner and watch them retreat from you; this is a sign what you are doing isn’t helpful or working.

Growing up, we are given emotional patterns that disable our ability to be successful for example, when our partners criticise us, many defend or counterattack. 

How is that a loving or kind response? 

You see, many unhappy people are so fearful that they criticise us as it’s a safe way to get our attention. 

When they criticise, it’s a message that they want something from us, but due to their fear, they won’t ask because we might say no.

That rejection is too much to bear.

So we can sit and judge our partners, or we can act with integrity and learn them through empathy and compassion.

You see, the moment you step into a relationship, you agree to be a team member that helps the team.

You must never kick a team member because you’re kicking the very team you are a part of.

A good team member will act with integrity. This means that they don’t turn values like love and kindness off no matter what their partner is doing.

Good team members don’t look for how their partner can be better; they ask for how they can be better.

Good team members want to sit in the driving seat, leading their family to safety.

Good team members know that if they are not committed to themselves and what they value, they will never be strong enough to be of value to their partner.

Learning how to become a values-rich partner who lives with integrity is the key to a person’s happiness.

You want an astonishing relationship then you must commit to yourself to become an effective leader.

So, if you wish to learn how to become an effective relationship leader or leaders (I accept couples and individuals), then your journey starts here.

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His marriage was over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness, his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

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Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • “Marriage at Risk from Destructive Triggers”
  • “The Root Cause Revolution”
  • “Top 1% Marriages do Something Different…”
  • “I had to stop her – she was killing the marriage she wanted to keep!”
  • “The Biggest Relationship Red Flag”

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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