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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“I Don’t see the Problem..!?” – Mini Post

What do you do when one person is unhappy in their marriage and the other says they are perfectly happy and can’t/won’t see the problem?

Many people who say they are happy in their relationship whilst their partner really isn’t happy are struggling to see the problem that this dynamic creates.

If only one person is happy the problem is this:-

“You being happy knowing full well I am NOT is a problem for me?”

For the unhappy person, it’s like their partner is being happy with their unhappiness.

What this will show is a lack of compassion or empathy for the unhappy person’s feelings they will experience a disconnect.

I’m happy so what’s the problem? Won’t create an action to care, they won’t check-in or reassure, so it will create a dismissive energy.

When this happens the problems for that couple can compound.

My advice is this: If one person is unhappy that is the true level of where your relationship is.

The state of a relationship is always governed by the person who is the most upset or stressed.

So if one person is resentful and the other is detached then the relationship problem is now about a detached partner.

If the resentful partner makes a problem about their own feelings all the detached person will do is become more detached.

If a person is still actively attracted and attached to their partner yet their partner is full of resentment, the relationship problem is now about their resentment.

You must NEVER gloss over your partner’s feelings or they will feel alone again which compounds the problems.

Being happy when they are not can help them feel dismissed.

Expand the model of couples on different pages

One lady was insisting her husband was having an affair.

He came to me on his own and said it was totally untrue and he was at a loss for what to do.

So I said to him you can battle with who is right and who is wrong, but I see that going nowhere.

The more you deny it the more guilty you will seem.

I’m seeing she feels unconfident, unloved, alone, and not important to you and this means she is not feeling emotionally safe.

She has to feel she matters or she will emotionally shut down and that means a far bigger job to overcome for you.

Why don’t we honour the fact she has lost trust in you and work towards rebuilding that trust?

How you see the problem changes how you deal with it

Most people don’t understand how to see their problems accurately so they make them worse.

The way problems are solved changes when you can see what the real problems are.

Left on his own he would have battled her by trying to convince her he isn’t having an affair factually he would be right but emotionally he would have broken their connection.

The reason this would have made things worse is that being right would have ended up being more important than how she feels.

And that’s always going to be a problem!

So you can never solve a problem unless you can see what it really is and that means seeing the problem the same way your partner does.

That’s the problem most don’t understand.

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"Clients have been kind enough to want to support YOU because they were once in your shoes"

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Recent Posts

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Over 1000 Relationship Articles

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Head Office
10 Harley Street
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W1G 9PF

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!
  • “Identity Secrets”- Mini Post

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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