When a couple comes to me for help, the question I have to understand is does the couple have genuine core compatibility problems, or do the individuals in the couple have a relationship problem with themselves which in turn is causing relationship problems.
The latter is usually the case.
If you have been following this blog you will have read the last few posts which have helped you to understand that what you focus on is what you will get.
So if you believe your partner is the problem then firstly you will look for all the ways that they are the problem (If what you have just read now automatically directs you to what your partner has been doing rather than what you have been doing, then as you can see, you are a big part of creating your problems).
Finding problems is far too easy and so you will consider your discoveries as proof, but you will be setting both you and your partner up to fail, this will be your focus and so in your quest to change them they will resist, you will see this resistance as further proof, that they are the problem.
Your focus needs to change for your relationship to succeed.
If you want your partner to change, the first thing you have to do is to change yourself first.
Focus your mind towards to how you can be more of the person/partner you want to be and turn your focus away from the problems you both seem to face.
If your partner needs more of something then ask them what it is and give it to them it’s your responsibility.
You are 100% responsible for the success or failure of your relationship.
If you pull love away or look for ways to punish them expect more problems or pain to hit you fast.
Is today the day to be honest with yourself, do you like who you are and how you are behaving? Are you always focused on what you want or is your focus on what you don’t?
A distorted you will be a focus on all that’s wrong in your life, and as if by magic will give you everything you don’t want in buckets.
So if you are unhappy, find out where your thoughts are focused most of the time in the context of what is wrong for you.
Remember if you have problems it’s very likely you are the cause on some level.
Become part of the solution not part of the problem and start it today!
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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