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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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Arguments, Circular Conflicts, Bickering…

This couple walks into my office they sit down and proudly tell me they never argue. For some reason, they think this has been good for their relationship.

They then tell me they have become more friends than lovers, which is what happens to many couples who don’t argue.

What I see in their case is low energy and an inability to be emotionally honest with each other. 

There is a belief out there that conflict and arguments are bad for relationships.

The passionate difference of opinion and thinking of two people isn’t what’s bad. What’s bad is the way so many couples do it.

Two people are always going to experience the same situations differently and sometimes this will result in a difference of opinion/perspective and meaning which is normal.

What doesn’t work is when the couple uses their differences as a weapon against each other and the relationship.

Healthy conflict

The goal for any couple is to create an outcome which is a win-win for both people, remember they are supposed to love each other and be on the same team.

Sadly the goal for many is to win the battle and when there is a winner that means there is a loser. If one person on the same team loses then naturally the team loses yet very few naturally see this problem.

If couples realised they were a team and instead of battling each other and trying to be right, they’ll both give themselves an opportunity to hear what is really going on from their partners perspective.

If this new understanding happened they could support their partner rather than become their judge (BTW judging isn’t loving).

Seeing the world from your partners perspective is the key to open communication and building respect.

Most couples are practising a loss of respect, loss of connection due to the way they argue and this will kill their connection.

In many cases, one person exploding is going to create either an equal force (two people exploding) or the opposite energy (one explodes the other withdraws self-numbs) which only makes the situation worse for the exploding person.

In some cases, individuals have an upbringing that creates their pattern. A child exposed to constant conflict is going to adopt that pattern as an adult.

A child that lives in an environment of no conflict is going to learn that “no conflict pattern”. Imagine what happens to this person when they marry someone who has learnt that emotional explosions are normal.

  • So learnt patterns from childhood are one source of the couple’s problem.
  • Another challenge is not hearing when the conflict is a cry for help.
  • Conflict for some can be attached to stacked resentments. So what they are arguing about has nothing to do with the where the real pain is coming from.
  • Some people use conflict as a low-grade way to control, influence or have power their partner.
  • Some people further fuel conflict by defending themselves from their partner this creates an energy suggesting their partner is intentionally trying to hurt them, in most cases this assumption is not true.

I remember a business man telling me his wife clearly didn’t love him. She was visibly shocked.

I asked him why he felt this way. He said the way she spoke to him was awful.

I told him I could see the reason she is acting this way is because she is in love with you, but feels there is no connection so her upset is trying to wake you up to the pain she is in.

She wants reassurance that she is loved, but what she is getting is a shut-down man that is acting like he doesn’t care which is confirming her fear and now she is really scared.

By helping her see his perspective and what he needed and helping him understand hers means that these types of problems are met with understanding and care rather than a cycle of attacking and defending.

Far too many couples are acting as if their partner is trying to hurt them and this simply isn’t true.

When couples understand the patterns they are in and how they can bring real understanding and alignment it means two people have the ability to step up and support the relationship when their partner is struggling.

Conflict is normal because everyone is different.

Please Note: Getting this part of the relationship wrong will create a struggle with attraction and intimacy and so the concept of lovers will be replaced with identities like mum and dad or workers.

Relationships are not about winning, losing and compromising.

Understanding brings in trust and ability to positively influence each other.

Imagine if no matter what problem arises you both knew what to do to make each situation a win-win, how much impact would learning that new skill mean to your lives together?

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Stephen Hedger
Stephen Hedger
About the author:

Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach

With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.

Find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
Stephen Hedger
Latest posts by Stephen Hedger (see all)
  • Your Marriage Isn’t Broken — The Pattern Is. Here’s How to Fix It. - July 2, 2025
  • The 5C Marriage Blueprint: The Foundation Every Relationship Needs to Thrive - July 1, 2025
  • The Silent Killer of Marriages: When You Stop Being You - June 30, 2025

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Recent Posts

  • Your Marriage Isn’t Broken — The Pattern Is. Here’s How to Fix It.
  • The 5C Marriage Blueprint: The Foundation Every Relationship Needs to Thrive
  • The Silent Killer of Marriages: When You Stop Being You
  • Emotional Intimacy in Marriage: The Key to Trust, Connection, and Lasting Passion
  • Please Save Our Marriage – My Wife has Asked for a Divorce
  • Loss of Love? How to Save Your Relationship
  • Passionless Marriage: “Sex life dying – want to know why?”
  • Coping with an Affair: How to Rebuild Trust and Save Your Marriage
  • Feeling Torn Between Two Relationships?
  • How to Help Spouse Heal After Affair?
  • How to Rebuild Emotional Safety (Without Needing Them to Go First)

Over 1300 Relationship Articles



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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

“There’s no hope in hell – I want a divorce!”

April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

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Recent Clients: Scotland, Ireland, Texas, New York, Dubai, Los Angeles, Austrailia, Japan, Germany, France, Ireland, UK, Monaco to name a few.

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems.

Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • Your Marriage Isn’t Broken — The Pattern Is. Here’s How to Fix It.
  • The 5C Marriage Blueprint: The Foundation Every Relationship Needs to Thrive
  • The Silent Killer of Marriages: When You Stop Being You
  • Emotional Intimacy in Marriage: The Key to Trust, Connection, and Lasting Passion
  • Please Save Our Marriage – My Wife has Asked for a Divorce

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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