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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“Attraction Dies Stress Appears”!

Attraction is a fundamental foundation for every relationship, but I’m not convinced people are aware of how important it is in keeping a relationship alive.

When I say attraction, I’m talking about the energy created between two people that has to attract them to each other on many levels.

I’m not talking just about sexual attraction, but that is part of it.

There are many components that make someone attractive to be around.

I’m using the word energy because a physically attractive person can have or create a very unattractive/ugly energy.

So the energy a person brings to the table is a critical building block for attraction to consistently exist.

Couples that come to me are so stressed because they have created an ongoing energy that is killing or has killed their attraction on every level.

The result of this is a person suffering due to a stacking of resentments. 

A resentful person will end up struggling to see their partner as an attractive energy and this is a problem that needs addressing fast.

Someone might say there is no question my partner is physically attractive, just not to me anymore.

Couples in this space will naturally argue, self-protect, or find someone else attractive.

You see, at the root of this problem are two challenges.

One: Fear

Two: Lack of knowledge.

Some people fear they won’t be loved and worry they are not enough. This creates many different types of patterns none build successful connections.

Secondly, they are going to be disconnected from the knowledge of their partners’ emotional system, which is very different from theirs.

This means their actions won’t help their partner to feel good.

Over time this will create a repellent energy, and this will ignite the fear they are not enough in at least one person.

So now we have the worst formula for attraction.

At least one person is afraid, multiplied by two people who don’t know what to do to keep the attraction energy alive.

The fearful person will keep alive a pattern of self-protection that is guaranteed to kill their connection.

Their partner will not understand what is happening and what’s needed and then will make things worse.

If they try to fix this without the correct understanding of the problem they face, they will keep failing and this can lead to a false truth.

Nature has designed masculine and feminine energy to be very different, and we are not taught to understand this critical fact growing up.

Most couples are unaware of these critical differences, and it’s killing their connection.

This is so confusing for couples because their connection and attraction used to be automatic.

Feeling bad too often, they can conclude that now it’s hard, maybe they are wrong for each other?

Couples are getting confused and then suffering because the attraction based chemistry a person creates within them at the start of a relationship doesn’t last ever!

We all know this, but most are unaware of the challenge this creates.

So once natures chemistry has gone, the couple then has to create their own chemistry, and this can only happen through knowledge.

The knowledge they don’t have and don’t look for until it’s too late.

So can you see the risk?

Couples are blind to the foundation that keeps their marriage alive.

Couples across the world are unaware of the danger, and they invest their whole life into a vehicle (marriage) that is very slowly going out of control.

Foundations for attraction

For attraction to thrive both people must feel free.

Free to be themselves is essential, this means a persons desire to control their relationship or partner must stop.

The people I meet have lost connection with themselves, especially when they are with their partner.

Next, they must understand the core drivers in themselves and their partner emotionally.

This is where many differences will appear, but these differences are about the person’s nature, not their sexual energy.

These two components are critical foundations for the process of attraction to start.

Without this free sexual connection cannot take place.

I’m saying this because some very disconnected couples do maintain a sexual connection, but not an emotional one.

They are using a sexual connection to protect the relationship, but never feeling connected means a fear is being kept alive and this will at some point break their connection.

Most are unaware of how to connect and be themselves in an intimate relationship, and they are disconnected from each other’s emotional drivers.

One 70-year-old gentleman I was coaching out of his crisis said.

I know my wife. I’ve been married to her for 45 years.

But now I realised I didn’t really know her.

This is a sad reality for too many couples.

Understanding, or should I say a lack of understanding of how this attraction formula works, is why so many people fail.

So they leave their marriage and run the same problem with someone new.

I totally agree that a lack of understanding of this formula can mean people can choose the wrong partner at the start, which is why they suffer.

People can become attracted to the wrong things.

BUT…

With so much at risk, why bring the divorce to a relationship when the reason for breaking up hasn’t yet been understood.

Couples that learn the knowledge of how attraction is created will be working on understanding the foundations that allow the attraction to grow.

This is how couples with dead emotional and sexual connections for over ten years rediscover their spark.

In many couples the connection isn’t dead, it’s just dormant, they are just lost unaware of what they don’t know.

Imagine knowing about all the things you can do that will kill the possibility of attraction?

Now imagine knowing what you can do that will build the connection so attraction on every level will return?

You see relationships are only hard when you don’t know how it works.

Many people have come to me saying yes, but you don’t know my wife or my husband we are different to other people.

My answer is you can be right with what you are saying, but it means you are at the end of the road with nothing more to learn.

Are you ready for that decision or do you want to discover the truth and avoid years of pain?

The people who have succeeded out of crisis started learning their truth despite years of proof that equals an unhappy disconnected future is likely.

What they did differently is they became curious about what they didn’t know.

Each person became committed to themselves with a view to creating their own happiness through understanding how it all worked.

This means they learnt something important, with the right information can our connection actually work?

For some, this is a journey on their own and for others, it’s one they will want to take together.

Category iconCommunication,  Destructive Patterns,  Infidelity-Affairs,  Loss of Love,  Lost Attraction,  Marriage Coaching,  Personal Development,  Save Marriage Alone

"Clients have been kind enough to want to support YOU because they were once in your shoes"

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

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Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!
  • “Identity Secrets”- Mini Post

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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