If you are having any kind of relationship problem this post is about how to build trust in a relationship so it can start to be the way you need it to be.
When the word “trust” is mentioned the usual association is directed towards infidelity. Whilst this is true, the word and how it affects our relationships actually has a much broader meaning.
You might not feel you can trust your partner with others, or you may not be able to trust your partner to create the relationship you wanted and expected.
So in any relationship conflict, I know on some level the couple have stopped trusting each other and this is the first step to rebuilding their relationship.
Why trust problems appear in relationships
When any couple are having problems, both are likely to be in fear states which will result in them both going to self-protection which is a very “ME” focused state and focused what they are not getting from their relationship.
Whenever a relationship enters this phase the love they give each other becomes conditional and so their needs are only met as part of a trade. “If you do this for me, I’ll do this for you!”
This trading process is slowly destructive because it builds up resentment and the couple stop wanting to meet each other needs.
This results in the individuals going outside the relationship to feel good again, places such as work, friends, family, children, hobbies and sometimes other sexual partners.
Building Trust: Learning how to trust again
If the relationship is to survive the couple needs to refocus their energy away from their own fears and towards what they want.
The focus on fears is proven to create their fears in reality and so is not safe if rebuilding trust and saving the relationship is the goal.
Important: For rebuilding trust
If love is what you want in your relationship your goal is to give love in the way your partner wants it.
Most people feel exposed and feel at risk if they do this, BUT in reality they are more at risk if they don’t, pulling love away to protect yourself when things go wrong is a smokescreen for safety, because pulling love away only results in your partner mirroring you in some way.
So fears fuel fears to destroy the trust in any relationship.
If you are have problems and need help rebuilding trust please get in touch.
- I run a two hour trust building session for all couples.
Please click Trust Building