One of the relationships I might look at when helping couples through their challenges is the individuals’ commitment to themselves.
You see, in every marriage, I see three relationships.
Each persons relationship with themsleves and then their relationship with each other.
If one person’s relationship with themselves is not good, it eventually puts a strain on their connection.
When both peoples relationship with themselves is not good, the relationship enters a disconnection phase, and it could be the start of the end when this happens.
So both people must be connected to themselves in a healthy way.
What healthy means is they can be themselves in the relationship because they feel safe to do so.
Either safe within themselves or safe because they know their partner has their back.
Essentially any person who is fearful or connected to fear in their relationship is disabled from being themselves.
Other people who are not being themselves have learned patterns growing up that don’t connect them to what is important to them, and they too will suffer.
For example, a man treats his wife poorly because that’s what he saw his father do, yet he still says that loving is essential.
I see many people are not happy with their husbands or wives’ behaviours but are reacting in a way that disconnects them from who they really are too.
Many come wanting my help, but they want me to change their partner.
They are not connected to the fact they feel bad because they keep disconnecting from themselves as well.
Not being yourself or not being connected to yourself is emotionally hard on a person; some people end up numbing themselves as a means to stop their own suffering.
I cannot stress this enough if a person cannot be themselves in their marriage, that marriage will suffer.
So the starting point is to help a person generate a healthy relationship with themselves so they can bring real value to themselves and their marriage.
So it’s important that individuals are committed to themselves and their quest to be themselves.
You must commit to you!