When couples have experienced problems for a long time they get into patterns of thought and patterns of behaviour within their relationship which to them feels normal.
These patterns can be destructive without the person knowing and so what to them is keeping them safe may actually be destroying their relationship.
My job is to understand and break their patterns from destructive to growth orientated.
Pattern interrupts are the core of what works in all therapies. However their method of how to interrupt a persons habitual thought process/patterns is varied. Some methods take years some take months some take weeks some happen in one session.
How long a person or couple wants to take to make changes is up to them. Some people want the process to take time, some people like months/years of therapy.
What I wanted and has become my life mission was to find a way to help couples quickly, couples in crisis don’t have much time because their relationship is already on the edge of divorce/break-up.
Award Winning Master family therapists and the top coaches in the world have discovered that significant changes does not have to takes years or months it can actually happen in just a few sessions, sometimes it can happen in just one session.
What they discovered is changing the face of how we help individuals and couples to live happier and more fulfilled lives. They changed how I worked and 80% of couples in my practice make significant changes very quickly.
Of course not all couples fixed their relationships (20% on average don’t get fixed), but the reason were simple, when an individual has no desire to change and their partner is the one that has to change for them to feel ok then the couple will continue to struggle. Also some people either have totally different life goals, or they really just are incompatible. So in some cases separation is the right move.
The core goal is not to fix the relationship at any cost. Happiness and fulfilment has to be the ultimate result, together or apart.
The process to create change is very simple
Firstly the person has to want to make changes. You cannot force a person to want to change.
People are usually focused to make changes when the threshold of pain becomes too much and they feel they have no choice.
Many couples in crisis give up with each other replacing love with resentment and a lack of respect.
When they come for sessions with me I help them understand there is more they can do to rebuild their relationship than they have been aware of. I help them understand the differences between the sexes the importance of core needs and values. How to grow together and work as a team when problems strike their relationship.
This helps the couple to understand that maybe there is hope because this a new approach that will actually meets their core needs and help them to be successful.
The next step is to interrupt the patterns that have destroyed their relationship and replaced those patterns with something far more appealing that meets their needs at the deepest levels.
For example: A man may be driven by significance. When they argue he feels he is significant when he is always right, this works for him in his career. His intent and desire is to feel important and strong for her. I help him see that trying to win arguments actually makes him insignificant in her eyes because she feels bullied and controlled not loved.
If he was to look after her in the way she really needed then she would stop at nothing to help him feel strong and important as the real man in her life.
Simple changes massive results for them both…