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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“How I see my husband changes”

So I was working with this lady last year they were entering early stages of marital crisis. I asked her this question to get to the bottom of their problems

“Who are you?”

It’s always a question that stops the person in their tracks.

I usually get an awkward “Oh god, I don’t know!”

As we expanded on what the question meant and how she could answer it.

Part of our discussion took us into masculine and feminine energies as part of understanding her identity as a wife.

This area is confusing for many couples to understand, it’s one of the hidden problems that cripples a couples connection and they are not aware of what’s causing it.

I was interested in where she thought her home was. Was she naturally masculine or feminine?

She told me something interesting that I have heard a lot and I wanted to share it with you.

Depending on which energy she is in, she sees and treats her husband differently.

For example, when she is in her masculine energy she treats him like a child and is quite picky with him.

When she is in her feminine energy she sees him as strong, protective, and attractive, but that feeling had becoming less and less and is why they called me.

Both were getting fed-up with each other.

She said she had never thought about this like this before, but this shift of perception of him is true, “how weird” she replied.

Obviously, this is going to confuse your husband so you both need to understand this.

They lost their attraction dynamic

“So how would you define what’s important to you as a wife?” I asked

She said she valued connection, love, beauty, creativity, passion. playfulness, fun, confidence, belonging.

Who are you when you become those energies around your husband.

“Feminine” she replied.

I then said, “so when you are not committed to these important words such as when you are treating your husband like he is five who are you then”?

“I’m asking because it seems you disconnect from what you say is important to you as a relationship partner and then you don’t like how you feel and when you do it”?

“Do you think at times you are attaching these bad feelings to him? Do you resent him at times for those feelings”?

“I hate seeing him that way, it frightens me, I’m not sure what it means!” She was now looking confused.

“You and your husband need to understand this because there is a constant energy shift in your marriage and neither of you is seeing it or knows what to do with it”.

“So you are shifting from seeing him as attractive and then not”.

“If you could both harness this energy firstly it would stop you both worrying and becoming confused.

Secondly, it would help your husband become a warm powerful energy for you, he would enjoy that.

Plus you will be free to become all of who you are, living happily in the masculine and feminine when it suits you.

Helping couples reset their attraction dynamic also helps them build more security.

Loss of attraction and any fear-based energies are terrible for relationships because they stop the relationship from growing.

The husband didn’t understand what was happening to his wife and was sick of her treating him like he was a child.

He didn’t understand what this meant and so instead of bringing what would help he retreated or became upset at her.

Neither person felt good and this had become a strain.

This is a common problem for couples, but is hard to understand without help.

In essence it means many couples are living in the wrong energy and attraction and feeling good is a struggle.

Many try to fix these types of problem by doing practical stuff for each other, but all it does is make it worse as it’s missing the important emotional triggers.

One couple sought professional help and that help suggested they hold hands more often as part of their reconnection solution.

They shared this with me in one of their sessions they were explaining what they had tried that had not worked for them.

This solution would have felt odd for that couple because they are both in the wrong energy to accept the intimacy of holding hands.

Without switching this energy like the lady in the first story they would have not felt the attraction they needed and so holding hands would have felt odd.

Every couple and every person is of course different.

I remember one couple were having problems in this area and I asked the husband how he would describe his wife.

He said she was like a strong Ox. For him she was his rock.

The moment those words left his mouth she was in tears, that was not how she wanted to be seen at all.

She wanted him to be the strong Ox.

You must know your attraction dynamic or you’ll end up in a loss of attraction energy.

My last point is couples everywhere are losing this energy and they don’t know why and it can be at the root of a lot of upset.

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Stephen Hedger
Stephen Hedger
About the author:

Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach

With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.

Find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
Stephen Hedger
Latest posts by Stephen Hedger (see all)
  • Why You Love Each Other But Don’t Want Each Other - June 19, 2025
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  • What If Everything You’re Trying to Fix… Isn’t the Problem? - June 13, 2025

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
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Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

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Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

“There’s no hope in hell – I want a divorce!”

April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

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