If you have a partner that feels insecure for any reason then your mission is to find out the route cause and support them through it, without judgement or resentment.
Getting fed-up with your partner or punishing them will never help, because all you will get is more insecurity as they feel you moving further away from them emotionally.
They may become so insecure that they cannot bear the relationship any longer and so they will end it just to stop their own pain so be careful how you handle them.
Relationships that donâ€™t work are 50/50 relationships because these relationship are conditional, on your partner always doing something for you and whilst they are insecure this will be a struggle for them.
What works best is an unconditional relationship, because you are the strong one at this time it is up to you to take control and 100% responsibility for the relationship to make this right in their time of weakness.
If you feel that you cannot offer this unconditional love to your partner then maybe you are a contributor to why they feel a lack of security with you. A lack ofÂ ability to offer a partner unconditional love is driven by a fear within that person.
Your job is to help you partner feel secure every day so ask them what needs to happen so they feel secure and do not judge them, or their answers, because one day you maybe the weak one needing help.
We may not always understand what our partners are going through, so we must respect them at all times, and help them through what may seem ridiculous or irrational to us.
If I please my partner I will hurt myself
If you feel that your partners requests to help them feel secure compromise your own values then itâ€™s possible that professional help maybe needed to help you both.
But again you can seek help yourself so you understand what they are going through and what behaviours you can generate that will support their recovery.
Understand this, the lack of security they might feel is not an attack on you, it is an automatic response mechanism within them designed to protect them from harm and is usually not rational.
So understand that the underlying intention is not to hurt or disrespect you. It is easy to feel that you are not trusted, and as trust is the foundation of your relationship and itâ€™s a hard one to hear if you donâ€™t understand where within them itâ€™s coming from.
- If you are in this situation and are stuck with what to do,
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