In todays post I’m going to share with you two critical elements that are needed to help a couple get their marriage back on track.
Couples are coming to me with a vast array of problems and with differing degrees of severity.
Some simply want me to fix them, some are not sure what they want. Some are convinced it’s over, they are only in front of me for the sake of the children.
So if you want to get your marriage back on track then here are some important things to focus on.
Be the best of who you really are.
When relationships get into trouble everyone automatically protects themselves. This automatic reflex causes significant problems as fear sets in, walls will go up. The person who protects themselves is likely to behave in ways which contradict who they really are and what they value most.
So they bring an identity to the relationship that is not reflective of who they really are. This process is not only potentially painful for that person, it’s also painful for the relationship as it’s now going to be being starved of what it needs to stay alive.
For example: A person who values “LOVE” stops loving. The process of turning off our values is the start of us creating our own pain for ourselves in the relationship. The problem is we don’t attach that pain to our own actions of tuning off what we value most, we attach our pain to our partners behaviours.
The person who says “I’m not going to reward their bad behaviour with good” is unaware they are not just punishing their partner they are also punishing themselves, as they turn off who they really are.
Many people struggle to be the best them due to past problems or fear of future ones in their relationship. A person with this focus can live in the identity of their past or future pain and this can be debilitating for that person in the relationship.
Of course it’s debilitating for the relationship because the person is going to be focused on protecting themselves which cripples the relationship.
Learn how to add value to your partner
If you want to be in a safe secure and loving relationship then please learn how to add value to your partner. What they need and how they need it is going to be very different to you. So learning about your partner and what’s important to them is going to help keep resentments down and pleasure high.
Too many people sit in judgement of their partners behaviours without really understanding what is behind it.
If you feel you know the essence of your partner and they have behaved in ways that don’t reflect that essence. Don’t sit in judgement, punish them and protect yourself, help them.
Being the best you can be and adding value to your partner in a meaningful way is a powerful foundation of creating safety that every relationship needs.
Couples that create amazing relationships don’t crave safety, this is because they have it through their behaviours that connect themselves to their what they value most. They bring this connected centred energy within them to helping their partner meet needs which are critical to them.
If now is the time to make a change please don’t suffer make contact today.