Today I’m going share an insight that may help many of you avoid a pitfall I see on a regular basis and get many letters about.
This is widespread and is killing relationships / marriages and destroying families.
In essence some of the information you have grown up with, is like poison for your relationship and is devastating for your children and their relationships, because they are learning from you.
I am going to share with you step-by-step what’s been killing relationships across the country and why.
Please follow this example
If your partner does something that hurts you, what do you do?
Society has taught us that when someone does us a wrong we are to punish them.
This usually includes behaviors such as verbal attacking and pulling love away from them.
The reason we do this is because we believe it will protect us and not leave us open and exposed.
So what we want is to feel safe, secure and protected.
We also want to punish them because we believe that the punishment will stop them doing what hurt us and we may get an apology.
What we really want is for those that hurt us to be loving to us and not to cause us pain.
So what have we learnt so far.
We know what we really want is love and we want to feel safe and secure.
The question now is does our punishment model help us to do that?
Now ask yourself this question.
If someone attacks YOU do feel more LOVE towards them and do you want to help them feel more SECURE?
Of course not!
So you now know punishing your partner would never work.
In fact what the punishment model actually creates is resentment and loss of respect, the building blocks that enable steps towards divorce.
The key to a successful relationship is understanding that we are all different and if you assume you know the intent behind your partner words or actions then you could be destroying your relationship without knowing.
So if you are living in reaction to your partners behaviors stop and see if you can understand the world from their perspective.
This simple change could just save your marriage!