One of the most critical skills in a marriage is learning how to get the best from our partners. Most know how to trigger each other into a bad emotional state, but do they know how to trigger each other into a positive emotional state?
One of the core needs for wives in a relationship is being SEEN.
Being SEEN is also a crucial need for their husbands too, but many won’t complain to protect the marriage.
Men need to feel needed, and many men in their sessions don’t feel seen or needed by their wives. In fact, he feels the reverse, and this profoundly affects how he shows up.
The problem is that many men don’t have the verbal skills or desire (due to the potential fallout) to share their true feelings, so they suffer in silence.
Today’s mini-post is about one of the ways she can get the best out of her husband.
A man doesn’t grow under criticism.
He doesn’t step up when judged, corrected, or compared.
He only grows in the marriage when he’s believed in.
He becomes more when someone sees more in him.
Important: He can only become the husband she believes him to be.
That doesn’t mean turning a blind eye.
It means being the one person who sees past his faults.
She sees the effort behind his silence.
She recognises the potential even when it’s messy.
He’ll never see things her way because he’s not designed to be that way, but that doesn’t make him wrong. Men and women are supposed to be different; that’s how attraction happens.
Trying to make him think and be like her kills so many parts of him.
Criticism shrinks him.
Control emasculates him.
Doubt weakens him.
But belief?
Belief is the jet-fuel that transforms him.
It’s the unspoken message that says:
“I see you. I know who you are deep down. Let’s get you there.”
Her criticism of him will only lead him to see that he is failing for her – in this place, he will suffer the most and is why many men leave.
Every man carries a quiet fear: that he’s not enough.
But when a woman looks at him and sees who he could be, not just who he is—
She gives him the courage to become and step into that vision.
He doesn’t need her to lead him.
He needs her to remind him, through her belief, her softness, and her trust, of the man he’s capable of being.
He doesn’t need fixing or changing. He needs help, and belief in him is the most powerful help.
I see many men becoming the man she tells him he is and that can either be a good or a bad thing.
She has immense power, and she must be careful about how she uses it because her approach creates what she gets back from him.
I see many women in sessions treat their husbands like children, only to complain that they act like one.
In the same vein, you cannot emasculate him and then complain he is weak.
Belief in him is probably one of the most powerful energies she can bring to him.
*****
“My wife believed in me when I had nothing. That belief gave me the courage to become something.”
Denzel Washington – married for 40 years.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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