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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“I love you – but I’m not in love with you…”

So many couples can find themselves in this situation. It’s shocking to hear this sentence, and it can cause panic. The key to this situation is to understand what they mean and what can we do about it? Is It a lost cause, can love ever come back?

Below I’m going to share what they mean and your options.

So what do you mean? Do you love me or not? Their sentence is confusing.

If someone is struggling in their marriage and has been for a while, they will have two thoughts. Firstly they will know historically they experienced love and have experienced many loving times.

This is the “I love you” part of their sentence and can be reflective of two people that love their kids.

The “I’m not in love with you” part means that TODAY their active love for you is no longer present.

In this situation, most people who have shut down love don’t want to be active in the love department, especially intimately.

Some people in this situation really can’t bear spending any time with their partner and some simply put their partner in the friend zone.

In the situation where one person has switched off their love, they will have to battle with the other person who hasn’t – this can be stressful on both sides.

Intimacy is now a problem; spending time together is a problem; in fact, all normal couple behaviour is now problematic.

The good news is for many couples; this situation can be reversed.

Some people want out of their marriages, but my advice to those people is take the time to learn what they have reacted to that has made them switch their love off.

You see so many people switch off their love because their OWN translation of their partners’ behaviour has hurt them.

This will lead the person to protect themselves from their partner, and this is the perfect way to switch off love.

The problem is couples are misunderstanding each other all the time, and this will switch off love.

One example I see a lot: For women, when she shares a problem, it’s likely she will hear from her husband that her problem really isn’t a problem.

Over time just this process will stop her wanting to connect with him as she feels that her feelings don’t matter to him, so he doesn’t care.

It’s not true he doesn’t care in fact the reverse is true for many husbands. When men have problems, his goal is to make them as small as possible as fast as possible so he can get rid of them is how he deals with them.

So he is sharing with her what works for him unaware that this is not what she needs to process her problem.

So if the person who has switched off love can understand why their love died, they are then in a position to choose if they want to turn it back on.

For many couples, if both people become a team and start to work toward the same goal, their dynamic can be reconnected, and love can be reignited.

The key to switching love back on is.

  • Understand how you switched it off.
  • Have you switched it off for the right reasons?
  • If both people understand the path to switching off love, do they both want to take the necessary steps to turn love back on and develop their love and passion for each other as each year passes?
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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His marriage was over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness, his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

Do you want
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Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • The Blame Game Trap!
  • “The Relationship Mirror Problem”
  • The Success Path for Failing Marriages
  • Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown
  • “Free your partner before they free themselves”

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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