If someone has a problem with trust it can cause big problems in their relationships. Trust is a fundamental part of growth. Without trust the relationship dies.
When I work with individuals who are challenged in this area what we usually discover is they don’t know how to trust themselves. Some are aware of this within themselves and some don’t know.
A person who doesn’t know how to trust themselves feels they will be safer if they create some kind of blanket coping mechanism that fits all situations.
The most common is to not trust anyone and spend a lot of time and effort looking for proof that others can’t be trusted. Others adopt coping behaviours including overly pleasing to give the illusion that all is ok (even if it’s not) they have learnt that happy people don’t reject them, so they keep others happy so their own needs will be met, in essence they give to get!
I have had clients who smile through their pain, you would think they are really happy, but inside they are in real pain.
The problem is through not being able to trust themselves they ignite all their biggest fears. This chain reaction puts them into constant fear especially in relationships.
Though this fear their behaviours change and so their partner becomes uncomfortable as they challenge test and try control their partner because of their own fears.
Their partner will start to attach pain to being with this person and eventually they will leave or become depressed/stressed.
In essence the process started with trust being the problem and now their partner doesn’t trust them either due to their behaviours. So they have no choice but to detach from them in some way.
Is this happening to you or in your relationship?
If you find you or your partner or both are judging and not trusting a lot then please seek help.
Judging others is a key indicator of a challenge within the person making the judgment – No one is qualified to judge anyone else, if you think you are then you can’t trust yourself.
If this has struck a chord with you please get in touch today.