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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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I’m stuck – I love my wife but the intimacy is dead

Many people are suffering in their relationships because they have become stuck. Some people know they are stuck some are not aware at all and can fight to stay stuck.

  • Some people are stuck because the passion has died.
  • Some people are stuck not sure if they are in the right relationship.
  • Some people are suck in a destructive fixed identity pattern.
  • Some people are stuck in a problem that designed to mask a deeper problem.

People for many reasons can become stuck they know they are unhappy but are scared to make a change so they are paralysed in a life that doesn’t work.

The key to helping someone breakthrough their feeling stuck problem is to reconnect them to an honest bigger picture and themselves minus their fears.

One lady was stuck in her marriage.

She loved her husband but didn’t want to have sex with him, she also didn’t want him to leave her.

This needed to be solved because without intimacy on all levels the marriage could become vulnerable either to him leaving her,  an affair, or simply falling out of love through resentment.

He didn’t want to leave her – today he loved her and was committed – but this had caused considerable friction and nearly took them to a breaking point.

We discovered that she had become stuck in an identity called “MUM”. She was so committed to making sure the children were looked after she couldn’t find a way back to being a “WIFE” with him.

One of her hidden struggles was she had given up on needing an emotional connection with him and so her critical needs were being met by her children and her friends.

This resulted in her starting to treat him like a child and through his resentment of her lack of love and being treated like a child he started to act like one.

So even though they said they loved each other she opened up to share with me that his sexual advances felt like a violation of her as it was something he took from her.

In contrast for him, sex was a primary way of connecting with her and experiencing love and connection.

Now any communication around sex for this couple had become explosive and now they both had negative attachments to the conversation.

So now there was no sex, no intimacy and no communication just resentment.

The goal was to arm the husband to understand how to help the identity of “WIFE” within her feel safe to re-enter the marriage whilst helping her see that being “WIFE” again was part of what makes a great mum.

You see children are and feel much safer and happier when parents are connected and loving with each other.

In this case, she had used the identity of MUM to protect herself from her deeper fears. She had assumed her husbands’ lack of understanding of her needs meant she wasn’t enough for him so she put up a barrier of “MUM” to protect herself and her family.

If this destructive pattern of only being “MUM” in her marriage had gone unchecked her quest to protect herself would have resulted in its collapse which naturally would have hurt the children.

By helping her learn her husband didn’t understand. Not because he didn’t love her it was because the way he thinks was totally different to her. So the irony was that she didn’t understand him either.

By aligning them with the truth, themselves and each other they could now create the safer and loving relationship they always should have had.

  • Being stuck in an identity can cause relationships so many problems, many business people get suck in their successful business identities and run them at home with destructive outcomes.
  • Others can become stuck in their own problems as a mask to deeper issues.

The key to becoming unstuck in any situation is to be able to see the problem clearly from multiple intelligent perspectives. Achieving this is not possible if all you can see is fear which narrows the perspective to one.

All this lady could see was she was not enough for her husband. She hadn’t considered her husbands and her childrens perspective or what she had created to protect herself.

By opening up new perspectives she freed herself and helped her husband to be successful with her. She also started to build a new healthy framework for her children to model.

 

 

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Stephen Hedger
Stephen Hedger
About the author:

Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach

With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.

Click to find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
Stephen Hedger
Latest posts by Stephen Hedger (see all)
  • All successful people have done this to save their marriage and avoid an almost certain divorce! - May 30, 2020
  • 10 Steps for Divorce Prevention - May 25, 2020
  • Marriage Breakthrough – “Why did they change their minds?” - May 23, 2020

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

“There’s no hope in hell – I want a divorce!”

April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

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Recent Clients: Scotland, Ireland, Texas, New York, Dubai, Los Angeles, Austrailia, Japan, Germany, France, Ireland, UK, Monaco to name a few.

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems.

Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • Why You Love Each Other But Don’t Want Each Other
  • “Your Marriage is On FIRE”
  • What If Everything You’re Trying to Fix… Isn’t the Problem?
  • FREE Coaching: 5 Days to Clarity in Your Marriage
  • Helping Women Understand Their Husbands

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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