This post is about how suffering can affect what happens next.
So many people across the globe are suffering in their marriage and wondering what to do, worried they will make a mistake.
So if this is you, you’re clearly not alone.
And if you’ve been in that space for a while, the weight of that question can feel suffocating.
You might not even say it out loud—but it’s there. Quietly eating away at your sense of peace.
You’re likely torn.
- “Can this be saved—or is it too far gone?”
- “Am I staying out of love, loyalty, or fear?”
- “What if I leave and regret it… or worse, stay and slowly disappear?”
They’re the right questions to ask.
But here’s the problem most people don’t see:
You cannot make a clear, life-altering decision while you’re still suffering.
In relationships, pain is an inevitable part of the process, but when relationships are approached in unhealthy ways, suffering becomes the result.
In many cases, relationships don’t end because the marriage can’t work; they end because the suffering becomes too much, and the couple never gets to their truth.
Suffering Distorts Everything
When you’re in pain, you’re reactive. You’re short-fused.
You feel misunderstood, unappreciated, and maybe even invisible.
You analyse every word, shut down emotionally, or go cold and distant.
You might even feel like you’ve lost who you are.
And that’s when the worst decisions get made.
Because pain doesn’t want a solution—it wants relief.
So you either stay and settle, or leave and escape.
But there’s a third way forward. And it starts with one powerful shift:
Stop the suffering first. Then decide what comes next.
Clarity won’t appear when suffering is the emotional state
Because let’s be honest: it’s hard to see your partner clearly when all you feel is resentment, sadness, or exhaustion.
The first step isn’t to fix the marriage when in this emotional state.
But you do need to get your head and heart back. Because when you do, you stop reacting… and start thinking clearly.
That’s when you begin to see the truth:
- What’s really going on
- What’s actually worth fighting for
- And what you need to stop doing—because it’s hurting you
From that place, decisions feel different. Not rushed. Not loaded with fear.
Just clean. Calm. Decisive.
The First Step is designed to help YOU!
- You’re not waiting for your partner to change.
- You’re not waiting for the situation to magically improve.
- And you can’t live the next 10 years hoping things get better on their own.
You must make the first move for yourself, and stopping your suffering is critical.
That means shifting your emotional patterns so your suffering stops and you have the chance to reappear.
It means learning how to lead yourself in this space, regardless of what your partner is or isn’t doing.
Because when you reconnect to your values, your emotional state, and your identity, you begin to see the marriage differently.
And more importantly, you start to feel different inside it.
When the Suffering Stops, Clarity Begins
This isn’t about false hope. It’s about real clarity.
Once the pain and suffering quiet down, you’ll be able to start to see the truth.
You stop asking, “Should I stay or go?” from a place of fear or frustration.
You start asking it from a place of inner strength.
One important factor is that when suffering stops, it creates a new space for the relationship to grow naturally in the right direction.
If you’re ready to take back control, I’ve built a process that helps you stop the emotional suffering, so you are in a far better place to solve your marital problems.
Not by fixing your partner, but by getting you back in the driver’s seat where you can make the safest decision about your marriage.
Because one decision, made from strength—not survival—can change everything.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
Find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
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