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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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Is Your Partner Trying to Control You?

Do you feel that you are in a constant power struggle with your partner? Is this wearing you out? Do you worry about what the future will look like if this continues?

Control takes many forms, not all control is bad. For example if a man is in control of his ability to passionately love his partner in the way she wants, then this is a form of control that benefits them both.

Control in the negative  is usually based around a fear of some kind.

Control is a persons’ method of trying to rebalance their world so they feel ok, if this is based on fears such as losing love, or not feeling they are enough in some way, then emotions can run high and they will control to feel normal or get rid of their pain.

In essense the control is designed to help the person move away from what they fear most.

In extreme cases all the person can see or feel is their fear, it consumes them and they spend most of their time inside their heads running their problems over and over trying to find ways out of this pain.

So the person in pain feels out of control and they need a solution, they have no idea how to control themselves and how they are feeling, so this leads them to focus on controlling their outside world.

  • This can include: Their partner – time – things – others!

Most people who are controlling actually have really good underlying intentions, but the results of their controlling can be catastrophic. No one likes being controlled and so if the person is trying to control the relationship to save it this is a great intention, but with the focus on the fear this only causes more problems.

The solution for controlling behaviour is this…

Help the person understand their behaviour is meeting their needs, but in a low level way that will hurt them and their underlying goals.

There is an immense level of power for all humans in the way they focus their minds one will create growth the other will destroy.

In sessions I help people use the power of focus to help them create the action that will create what they want most.

Simple examples:

  • Will pulling love away make your partner love you more? NO!
  • Will nagging your partner help them to want to meet your needs? No!
  • Will ignoring your partner make their problems go away? No!
  • Will putting them down or helping them feel bad make you more attractive to them? No!
  • Will controlling the money help them to feel they are part of a team with you? No!

If you are going to control, the only control that works is creating the behaviours that help your partner meet their needs which means that you start to become an amazing partner and someone they would always want in their lives.

No one wants to leave a partner that is amazing for them.

In other words if your partner can feel amazing about themselves and they attach those amazing feelings to you, then you have the ability and confidence to be that amazing partner for them.

Confidence in being that partner is the key to success.

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Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
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Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

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Success Stories

His marriage was over!

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This man was in the depths of sadness, his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

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November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

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Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • His marriage was over!
  • “Needy and not needed!”
  • “Discover the No.1 Philosophy of Highly Effective Spouses: From Struggle to Success”
  • “Unveiling the Secrets: How I Mastered the Art of Resolving Relationship Issues”
  • 3 Foundations for a Healthy Marriage

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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