A person in a marital crisis is going to be looking for answers to stop their pain and get out of their suffering. Do I stay do I go? Do I fight for my marriage, or do I start again and what about the children?
I deal with some of the most severe cases of marital crisis right on the edge of divorce.
What these people are looking for is certainly – they want to know what to do?
I set my practice up NOT to blindly fix couples problems but to give the couple the knowledge and the tools to understand the crisis they are in and gain the skills to understand what it takes to rebuild trust and repair the damage for good.
This empowers two intelligent people to make the right decision with the rest of their lives. For most, it’s to stay together and for some parting is the right decision.
In most cases, a couple’s crisis comes from a significant misunderstanding of why they are in crisis or what to do about it and have for years been making their problems worse without knowing.
Some people have married for the wrong reasons but be aware people who have been suffering do have a tendency to rewrite history to fit their current state of mind so despite their historic messages of love and commitment they will swear they always had doubts.
Some people have genuinely lived a great marriage unaware why they are successful until a shift of circumstances shifts their dynamic with devastating consequences. This could be a new baby, selling a business retirement or kids leaving home to name a few.
Some people are instantly devastated through a break of trusts such as infidelity, emotional affairs or addictions.
Couples that are looking for help need to know if they have the ability to CREATE a dynamic that’s a win-win for both people.
I use the word “CREATE” because couples in so many cases have created their own broken dynamic, so they need empowering with the right knowledge to RECREATE a relationship they can understand and sustain.
The couples that follow exactly what I ask them to do are CREATING lasting connections and reporting back to me their marriages are significantly better than they have ever been.
This is because the changes they have made are natural and easy to achieve.
The key to helping couples out of a crisis is through TWO key parts.
ONE: Help them understand their crisis so they can both take responsibility and rebuild trust.
TWO: Give them the tools to ensure they never break it again whilst keeping their connection and passion alive for life.
By enlightening them with these two critical parts, it helps them to understand how to sustain a marriage that is a place to give the best of who they really are to someone so love can thrive again.
The point of being married is to enhance emotions such as love, connection, belonging, passion, freedom to name a few.
Most couples are suffering through a total lack of understanding of their roles how to hear each other how to support each other and add value in the way that makes them a team.
So when a couple says we have been struggling for years and we are sceptical that we can make it.
My answer is simple “spend a little bit of time learning if you both have the ability to build a dynamic that makes sense to both of you – BUT this time with the right information”.