Relationships are a struggle for so many people. I expect what’s lead you to reading this is you too could be struggling to make sense of the challenges you face today. Relationships used to be a struggle for me too. In fact, I spent many years suffering because what I knew back then was not nearly enough to help me succeed. Sadly it took me years to understand this.
So In todays post I’m going to share some of what I learnt and how I apply it in my marriage to Cloe.
At the age of 22 I became really interested in how relationships work and why they don’t. The reason I began this quest was simple, I loved being in a relationship, but I quickly realised the women I was dating were negative, moody, inconsistent and unreasonable. I concluded back then they were all crazy…
I was clearly stupid… but It took me a few years to work this out.
After dating a few girls what became clear was the problem might be me, after all I was the common denominator, I was clearly not getting the best of these girls, but I couldn’t work out why?
So I stared to explore what was I doing wrong, I was in for a very long journey?
Fast forward 30 years and after much research and many painful mistakes I bring all I have learnt to my own marriage today and to my clients.
I’m now 52 married to Cloe who is not just a physically beautiful to me, she is a beautiful person. She’s kind, loving, gentle and passionate about life.
I knew when I met her that my mission was clear. She only had one life and I needed to help her create the most amazing life we could make together.
So from day one, I started a quest to learn about her.
Gone were the old days of being focused on what I wasn’t getting. Gone are the days of looking for fairness and respect. Gone are the days of being upset because she wasn’t doing things my way. Gone are the day of wanting to be right…
I realised a very valuable lesson on this journey into relationships.
If I was going to build a strong passionate marriage I have to become a strong valuable man for my wife.
What I learnt was to be an amazing husband for her I had to learn what equalled an amazing marriage for Cloe.
What did she really need? What did she want to feel? What’s helped her to feel secure? What helped her feel truly loved? What kind of life did she want to live?
I had to learn how to hear her, when she spoke what did she really mean? What are her fears, what were her worries how could I help her and support her.
I realised by being the best possible me (what she saw in me when we first met) and learning what Cloe really needed it has created the most amazing connection which gets better every day. I can’t wait to get home to be with her.
Essentially I made my marriage to Cloe a priority, she is number one in my life and my quest was to help her feel number one.
I knew through years of helping couples in crisis that other factors were also critical for me to practice. Many people lose who they are in their marriage and this causes real problems.
I needed to help Cloe feel feminine, she needed to feel safe to be a girl in our relationship. Unless she could feel this level of connection to herself she would struggle to connect to me, no matter how much she loved me.
So once I learned what she needed that kept her safe, I then encouraged her to be free to explore her feminine self.
What I learnt on this journey with her was the way Cloe thinks and behaves is totally different to me. How she deals with life and problems is totally different to me.
What I learnt was to embrace these differences and see them as strengths, because if you want a successful marriage then your differences are critical because they equal and create attraction and if you kill that energy it’s creates a slippery slope.
You must maintain attraction because when it goes it’s where real problems start.
When couples lose attraction, they then start to feel problems and these problems can start to turn into crippling resentments.
My message today is very simple, successful marriages don’t just happen.
What makes a good marriage is in the couples ability to create it together. By helping Cloe to feel connected to herself on every level, by never judging her, or making her wrong and loving her without conditions I have freed the true essence of her and the result is astonishing.
I really don’t remember the last time I had to ask for anything from her, she gives me everything I need.
To men reading this: By looking for the best in her even when she hates herself and helping her to feel desired, loved and safe this will enable her to stop at nothing to help you feel like a man.
By connecting emotionally to her world it’s helped Cloe and I navigate our problems, differences, conflicts, and stresses. Put simply all couples have problems it’s how you deal with them is the key.
You see no matter what happens we remain emotionally connected and this is the gold that many couples don’t have, don’t see, or struggle to achieve.
What I teach couples today is how to achieve this level of connection through a far deeper understanding of themselves and each other.
If you’re wanting to make your relationship stronger or more passionate, or you’re in crisis needing help we will build you a tailored for you course/program to help you achieve your goals.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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