A significant percentage of my clients come searching for a different approach after failing to achieve their goals with traditional couples therapies.
If you feel that you have tried everything reading this is
important to know before you give up.
My belief is that couples in trouble need a very specific approach, an approach that firstly enables them to connect to their true identities before we focus them on how to fix their specific problems. Time and time again this approach works as the individuals become free to safely explore their relationship with a new philosophy that will keep them safe no matter what happens.
This focus on the individuals is important because if you focus couples on their problems too early in the process the individual(s) will become even more entrenched in naturally protecting themselves. Fearful states will naturally shut their minds down and so they are not open to the change that’s needed to fix their problems. Change at this point is far too overwhelming.
Many couples can become so unresourceful they can only see that changing their partner is the solution to their problem(s), so that’s their focus. This leads them down a well trodden path that their partner will never change and so their focus is reenforced that the relationship is dead and any help is hopeless.
Change is only possible for the couple if the individuals can find away to connect with themselves first.
You see an emotionally disconnected person is not going to be creating behaviours that reflect the true essence of who they really are. This is exhausting for that person if practised for too long and so they live in the relationship empty only getting pleasure from work, friends, family etc.
If you now expose that person to more stress i.e. their marital problems the person will either shut down further, or come out fighting for the right to remain stuck.
For many remaining stuck is far safer than attempting to reconnect with a partners that for them has proven to cause them pain and will continue to do so in the future.
Once the individuals find away to connect with themselves first and they feel safer then the creative energy that’s needed to see their problems in ways which are solvable is totally possible.
This approach is done with the couple together, the couple learns step-by-step why they are stuck and the new focus that will actually keep them safe.
The next step is to educate the couple on how to learn about each others critical needs through a core structure. This again is very different from traditional counselling.
Understanding core needs is critical because the couple in trouble will have lost a sense of their future and this creates fear. A future where a persons needs will never be met creates natural fears and a desire to escape.
If the couple can see that no matter what happens they will never lose a sense of who they are again and their partner now understands their core needs and how to meet them, now the future can become a possibility for that couple.
You see trust has to be restored, the person has to trust themselves and their partner for the future to make sense again.
As the couple go through the process with me, they are constantly learning new skills, new strategies to successful deal with any problems that come up and most importantly how to reconnect sexually and keep it that way.
The focus is on how to educate the couple on how to keep the relationship secure every day and how to become invested in growing it towards a future the couple can agree on.
All of this enables the couple to become a team, that designs their world to be the way they want it. This rebuild trust and respect and paves the way for a deeper connection.
In essence the couple learns how to grow the relationship, keeping it safe and maintain an intimate connection that so many lose but don’t understand why.
So if you have tried everything and are stuck not knowing what to do.
Call us today we could just have the answers you are looking for.
