The only way to build a successful marriage is to have the courage to be who you really are with your husband or wife and learn what’s at the root of your problems – NOT being who you are is a fundamental issue and one of the root problems that leads many couples to wrongly divorce.
What you’re about to read will go against the grain for so many people who sadly end up learning the hard way. BUT I know that those that are ready to learn will be ready to see their truth and stop years of suffering through answers that free them, just like so many couples that work with me each year.
At the end of this post you will read about a couple who left my Marriage Breakthrough Program last week who embraced what you are about to read below…
Are you ready?
For any marriage to work you both need the courage to be open, vulnerable and connected to what you believe in and say is important. I see so many people, they tell me values like love, kindness, wisdom, integrity are just a few of their values.
Yet when questioned we find that they don’t practice, or become what they say is important from within their marriage. Many expect this from others, but not from themselves.
This means what’s critically important is not just your connection with your partner, but the courage to stay connected with yourself even when your relationship seems confusing, impossible or unfair.
In my world of rebuilding relationships from seemingly impossible situations ‘confusing’, ‘impossible’ and ‘unfair’ is really translated into that’s not the way I work.
Some people generate these kinds of translations. Through my own fear of what your behaviour means to me… to feel safe I need you to be more like me and when your not I suffer, resent and shutdown.
Many people lose that courage to be who they really are by finding an easy route, they focus on what’s wrong and they practice this focus until they feel justified to NOT be who they are. This practice becomes so painful for them they use this pain to leave their relationship, or have and affair.
The skill and courage of great relationships comes from the ability to see past the surface behaviours and look for the root cause of the relationships problems.
Without fail couples that come to me for help do not have this ability. They live in their heads going round in circles confused and focused on their own needs.
The resentment that has stacked over time has disabled them from being who they really are in their marriage. Some through feeling they have done all they can to get through to their partner then they have the ability to come across as selfish and uncaring simply because they have given up.
Some give-up and simply accept a substandard marriage and chose to get their fulfilment elsewhere in life, some give-up and see the only way out is to physically escape from their seemingly dead marriage.
I have helped many people, understand what is right for them and specifically why.
- For some it’s right for them to leave their marriage and I help those people free themselves and their partner.
- For some leaving their marriage will cause them terrible future problems, because their marriage is not their real problem, and if they leave they will simply move on to see their old problems manifest in their new relationship over and and over.
Yet more couples left my program last week with not only with their own personal breakthrough, but with the knowledge of how to keep their relationships safe and alive.
Look below at one of these cases below…
One lady came to their Marriage Breakthrough Program feeling she had lost love for her husband and couldn’t see a way forward. He had become weak and had totally lost himself.
His work life was miserable, his relationship with his children gone and his wife was saying she felt there was no hope. This situation had left him feeling lost and worthless, his world was about to collapse.
This couple had the courage to discover the root cause of their situation. This marriage was going to end without an intervention and they knew it.
They finished their last session of their program last week in a very different emotional state than when the first met me. They left reconnected and back in love. He decided to give up the career he hated and was started his own business.
He had reclaimed his masculinity (he had become unhappy and child like at home) and he now brought to the marriage the new ability/strength/confidence to help his wife feel safe to reconnect with her true self.
She learned that her loss of love was something she had created to keep her safe, but it was killing the marriage. I made them both responsible and gave them the tools they were missing.
She had felt he didn’t care and he had felt she was impossible to please.
Both of them were suffering until they learned the skills that gave them the courage to reclaim their true selves.
Once reconnected to their true selves, they learnt how to become truly valuable to each other and how to become a connected team.
Every week a new person/couple leaves their program with a new understanding of how they can become valuable not just to themselves, but to what’s important in their life.
There is a truth in every person that’s hidden and in every marriage, getting to that truth is so important. If you are suffering there is a truth in you and your relationship.
Is today the day when you have really had enough? If so now get in touch …