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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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Masterclass series Part 3: How to keep your sexual energy alive

A couple who are not sexually connected are basically friends or roommates and for many they are not even that. I hear so many couples share how they have been sexually disconnected for 10+ years. It’s shocking to hear and so important to get right.

This Masterclass Series is all about helping couples avoid getting into these situations, however if you are in crisis this information is going to be valuable to you too. As you read through this post you’ll start to see what builds to make sexual connection so much easier.

So imagine this, a couple who tell me they are in crisis enter my session. They tell me they have spent six weeks with a sex therapist and the result is the relationship is now much worse than when they started. They are now discussing splitting-up.

I asked them why did they feel that a sex therapist was the right route for them?

They explained that the relationship had been dead sexually for 2 years and because that was the problem they clearly had to fix that problem, hence the search for a sex therapist.

This is a typical problem that so many couples face, they are missing the real problem.

They try to fix what they though was the “the problem” and in doing so they can actually make things much worse.

They were totally unaware that their poor sex life was the symptom of the problem, not the real problem.

As we chatted I could see that before we focused on their sexual connection I had to help them to successfully reconnect and this meant focusing on making sure the foundations of the relationship were secure again.

What I’m looking to help them create was a foundation of all the securities they both needed. I would help them understand these core securities so security was created  as a result of their behaviours and interactions.

It is so important that feeling safe in a relationship is a result of how the couple interact rather than being the focus or the coping strategy.

If through really understanding each other and helping each other to feel consistently safe and loved in the way they both needed, that’s when the sexual connection can be free to come alive again. So couples who though their relationship was dead discover how to reconnect in an meaningful way.

You see being disconnected out of the bedroom is not a great platform for a deep passionate connected sex life. In fact for many couples disconnection or not a good enough connect outside the bedroom can put a substantial block on the desire for sexual connection.

Once the individuals can both know that their partner is not out to hurt them they are then free  to let go of their guard.

The real key is to help the couple feel that they are enough for each other. Everyone wants to feel safe loved and desired for who they are.

Once the foundations are in place the couple are helped to see their sexual relationship is not just the thing they do on a Saturday night.

Their sexual connection is an on going process outside the bedroom too.

Many couples believe that foreplay is the thing you do for five minutes before sex. My message to couples is that foreplay is what you start doing after you have had sex.

Help your partner feel you see them sexually, so they feel attractive and desired outside of the bedroom. Communicate on every level to your partner that helps them feel you sexually desire in the way they need.

Good sexual connection is all about good communication, it’s about allowing each other to be free, it’s about helping your partner to feel safe to be who they really are, it’s about a loving giving energy.

Most of all it’s about tapping into what creates desire for you and your partner.

I’m going to be opening up 1-on-1 master classes for couples who are wanting to learn how to reignite their relationship for life. If you are interested to learn more click here.

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Stephen Hedger
Stephen Hedger
About the author:

Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach

With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.

Click to find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
Stephen Hedger
Latest posts by Stephen Hedger (see all)
  • All successful people have done this to save their marriage and avoid an almost certain divorce! - May 30, 2020
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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
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Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

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Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

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April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

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August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

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