The art of Negative Pattern Switching is a key skill to learn especially if you are in a relationship.
One of the energies that has a profound effect on how we feel is OUR FOCUS, it’s one of the building blocks to building or interrupting a negative behavioural pattern.
Any parent will know that when an upset child is distracted away from their upset they may stop crying. So by helping a crying child to shift their focus to look at a balloon in the sky has the potential to change the child’s emotional energy in the moment.
What people are not seeing is how powerful a persons’ focus on their life is and how with a little know-how a destructive emotional pattern could be changed into a constructive feeling.
Let’s look at a NEGATIVE FOCUS that I might see in a session.
- Imagine a person who is so focused on their past pain, they cannot see past it to build a happier future…
- What about the person who has deleted everything that is good because they are so focused on looking for what’s wrong it’s all they can now see…
- How about the person who is predicting a negative future and actually makes it happen with this focus…
In each one of these examples, the person is entrenched in their focus and that focus is powerful enough to collapse any connection with themselves or relationship growth potential with others.
The key for these people is to help them change the patterns that leads them into their negative focus.
Let look at the first example on that list.
- Imagine a person who is so focused on their past, they cannot see past it to build a happier future…
A person who is so married to their past negative experiences because it has caused them pain and suffering will want to hold onto that focus so they can protect themselves from a future of more pain.
They may not want to leave the marriage or want it to end, but by withdrawing to protect themselves they don’t discover the truth about their connection.
The problem is their focus on self-protection also stops them from contributing or investing in their relationship and so the relationship will at some point die if they don’t take action to feed it.
In many cases, the person doesn’t really want the relationship to end, but their need for certainty through keeping the past alive and withdrawing will lead them into the wrong certainty.
As you can see the person is trying to achieve a need of certainty but it won’t happen if the behaviour of holding on to the past remains.
This focus is destructive for that person and the truth they really want to discover.
As you can see the need for certainty done this way is actually creating less certainty and no helpful answers.
So what will create the clarity the person really needs?
The answer is in not letting a persons fear drive their need to gain that critical certainty.
Fighting or running may shift the pain initially, but it won’t present the truth.
The question is this: If I become the very best of me what do I bring out in you?
After all you can’t be more than the best of yourself.
Many people intrenched in negative patterns will probably find this a challenge on their own but it is where the truth sits.
This does take courage to take this step and it’s that lack of courage that stops so many gaining their truth.
You simply cannot control others, only yourself, so your question is “what will the best of me create in you”?
This is why so many people fail in gaining their truth and live the wrong life, the worst of them will always bring out the worst in others.
Plus to make the challenge more challenging positively influencing someone who doesn’t think like you or is driven like you will help people to give up.
The understanding and the thinking needs to change for the couples truth to appear.
The thinking that created the problem is not the thinking that will solve it.
Once the person has the courage to be the best of themselves all they now need is the knowledge of how to apply that to gain their truth.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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