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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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Negative Pattern Switching

The art of Negative Pattern Switching is a key skill to learn especially if you are in a relationship.

One of the energies that has a profound effect on how we feel is OUR FOCUS, it’s one of the building blocks to building or interrupting a negative behavioural pattern.

Any parent will know that when an upset child is distracted away from their upset they may stop crying. So by helping a crying child to shift their focus to look at a balloon in the sky has the potential to change the child’s emotional energy in the moment.

What people are not seeing is how powerful a persons’ focus on their life is and how with a little know-how a destructive emotional pattern could be changed into a constructive feeling.

Let’s look at a NEGATIVE FOCUS that I might see in a session.

  1. Imagine a person who is so focused on their past pain, they cannot see past it to build a happier future…
  2. What about the person who has deleted everything that is good because they are so focused on looking for what’s wrong it’s all they can now see…
  3. How about the person who is predicting a negative future and actually makes it happen with this focus…

In each one of these examples, the person is entrenched in their focus and that focus is powerful enough to collapse any connection with themselves or relationship growth potential with others.

The key for these people is to help them change the patterns that leads them into their negative focus.

Let look at the first example on that list.

  1. Imagine a person who is so focused on their past, they cannot see past it to build a happier future…

A person who is so married to their past negative experiences because it has caused them pain and suffering will want to hold onto that focus so they can protect themselves from a future of more pain.

They may not want to leave the marriage or want it to end, but by withdrawing to protect themselves they don’t discover the truth about their connection.

The problem is their focus on self-protection also stops them from contributing or investing in their relationship and so the relationship will at some point die if they don’t take action to feed it.

In many cases, the person doesn’t really want the relationship to end, but their need for certainty through keeping the past alive and withdrawing will lead them into the wrong certainty.

As you can see the person is trying to achieve a need of certainty but it won’t happen if the behaviour of holding on to the past remains.

This focus is destructive for that person and the truth they really want to discover.

As you can see the need for certainty done this way is actually creating less certainty and no helpful answers.

So what will create the clarity the person really needs?

The answer is in not letting a persons fear drive their need to gain that critical certainty.

Fighting or running may shift the pain initially, but it won’t present the truth.

The question is this: If I become the very best of me what do I bring out in you?

After all you can’t be more than the best of yourself.

Many people intrenched in negative patterns will probably find this a challenge on their own but it is where the truth sits.

This does take courage to take this step and it’s that lack of courage that stops so many gaining their truth.

You simply cannot control others, only yourself, so your question is “what will the best of me create in you”?

This is why so many people fail in gaining their truth and live the wrong life, the worst of them will always bring out the worst in others.

Plus to make the challenge more challenging positively influencing someone who doesn’t think like you or is driven like you will help people to give up.

The understanding and the thinking needs to change for the couples truth to appear.

The thinking that created the problem is not the thinking that will solve it.

Once the person has the courage to be the best of themselves all they now need is the knowledge of how to apply that to gain their truth.

Category iconDestructive Patterns,  Marriage Coaching

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Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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About Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger is known as the most sought after marriage in crisis specialist in the UK. He is famous for consistently and naturally saving many marriages from divorce. He is a favourite of business leaders, business owners, Judges and celebrities.

Stephen runs his meetings from his office in Harley Street London and supports his global clients over Zoom.

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

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Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • “Living with a problem partner” – Mini post
  • “Never be a dream killer” – Mini Post
  • “STOP making YOUR partners upset about YOU!”
  • “Never try to change your partner”
  • Retired couple in crisis “We should know better at our age!”

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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