One of the ways to become an amazing partner for her is to understand your partner from her perspective. Too many men only see their world from their own perspective and when he does this she knows he doesn’t understand her.
- This for her is a significant source of pain and the basis of real problems in relationships today.
When pain strikes many women initially fight and battle with their partner. He sees this battle with her as negative because the fight is proof of something bad for him.
He can see that maybe she’s impossible to please or he is failing her. So he fights her back or tries to make her wrong because he is looking at the battle from his own perspective and not hers, his focus is on winning, or trying to proving he is right, that way she will see she is wrong and so the argument will stop!
So he shuts down, defends, argues back or escapes in some way.
What she will actually see and feel is he is too focused on making her wrong and him right. So at her point of pain what’s most important to him is not her, it’s him and what he needs. This becomes a sign of weakness in him to her and so he’s now less attractive to her.
In her mind she will feel that if he can’t be the man for her, then she will have to. “If he won’t step up when it counts then I will.” This is what kills sexual connection!
Key advice for men
If she is battling with you, it’s not because she doesn’t love you, it’s because she does. A battle for her is there because she needs a level of intensity and attention from him, because that equals love to her.
That intensity within her is her drive for a sensual energy to be back in the relationship, so when she’s in pain all she really wants is to be loved.
A man will look at her fighting as a time to fight back, but she is not fighting him she is fighting for her relationship, for love, for passion to know she matters to him. She is fighting to become the woman in the relationship so she can see him as the man. She wants to connect with him because she wants to feels he is the strong protector always there for her no matter what!
- This for her is very sexually attractive.
What she wants to know is she can cause problems, mess up and no matter what, he will still love her and not make her pain about him. When she tests him and he passes her test through loving her through her pain, she knows that he has understood how she feels and this is critical for her.
Men don’t test the relationship in this way, men usually want a quiet life and are focused on making big problems smaller, frustrated that their partners seem to want to make the smallest problem far bigger than they need to be.
See her world from his perspective and he will fail himself, her and the relationship. He doesn’t want this and neither does she.
- Become aware and learn about her it’s critical.
If she becomes upset be there for her without judgement and learn about her pain. In that moment help her to feel that she is the most important person in the world to you.
Note: I know some of you may be reading this and are thinking this is the other way round for us. It is possible for relationships to work where the male is very feminine and the female is very masculine in the way they work. The question is this. Is this where you both like to be or has constant conflict/problems taken you to this place?
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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