• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

New Clients: +44 (0)845 519 4808

Existing Clients +44 (0)20 3793 2829

Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

  • Home
  • Private Coaching
  • Marriage Breakthrough Program
    • Couples Coaching
    • Individual Coaching
    • FAQs
  • About
  • Success
  • Initial Consultation
  • Blog

Relationship triggers are killing couple’s connection!

Many couples find themselves in the same old behavioural patterns that end up frustrating both people. Life together will be teaching them they are constantly in disconnect, feeling bad when they are together and these bad feelings are becoming more frequent.

Essentially it’s really common for both people to become emotionally triggered by the other and so the couple plays out the same old game of disconnect as they press each others hot buttons.

I watch couple after couple create a behaviour that triggers their partner and now two people that would normally say “love” and “kindness” are critical in a relationship are instantly at war causing each other emotional harm and killing their relationship and their connection.

During this Coronavirus lockdown period, a significant amount of people have reached out to me for individual help with their relationship.

They wanted to know if I could help them save their marriage if they attended on their own.

I agreed to help them because one person can make massive strides to repair a relationship on their own by changing their own behaviour so they personally become less triggered by their partner and they avoid triggering their partner.

The goal is to help individuals interrupt their natural emotional triggers so they can stop the cycle of destruction and rebuild their connection. 

I had to do this myself

I personally learnt something very important in my relationship with Cloe when she reacted to a situation I actually had a choice of how I wanted to respond.

I made the decision to not be triggered, reactive and out of control, but it wasn’t always that way.

In my twenties, if someone I was in a relationship with became upset with me I would defend myself and attack back. Back then I didn’t look for a choice I simply reacted without thinking.

But my reactions back then created three massive problems. 

  1. I was out of control of myself
  2. I made that moment all about me 
  3. I totally misrepresented who I was and yet still expected love.

So the problem that so many people are not understanding is how can I take responsibility for my own behaviour and actions that connect me to myself and support the relationship?

Far too many people have a bigger expectation of their spouse being a better partner than they do of themselves.

This in itself is a fundamental problem.

Relationship building starts with personal responsibility to remain connected to who you say you are as you support learn and understand your partner and why they behave the way they do.

How many people sit in judgement of their partner and their behaviours instead of learning why they act the way they do.

How many people sit and learn why they themselves are triggered resulting in them being in effective partners?

Every person that has been successful with me has taken personal responsibility to embrace reflecting the best version of themselves in their marriage whilst putting themselves in their partners’ shoes.

All these people stopped judging their partner and started learning their partner, but they all did so from the position of being a better vision of themselves.

I had to learn this too.

For example: If my wife becomes upset my mission is to care that she is upset, I did this because I made a decision that for her to be in this relationship successfully she needs to feel safe and loved she will always receive that from me no matter what’s going on.

She does the same for me.

So if you want to see what your relationship is capable of it starts with individuals understanding how they can be the best versions of themselves not just in the good times, but when things go wrong too.

The best relationships come from overcoming the challenges they face together as a team. This proves that when things go wrong each person knows they are 100% responsible for putting the relationship back on track

You cannot be an effective team member if you are constantly focused on yourself blaming the other for what they have done wrong.

People who are struggling with each other will through fear create a focus of self-protection and this pattern will help the two individuals become more triggered and self-focused with each other.

If both people are focused on themselves and their lack in the relationship this will lead to deeper problems.

Just one person who is prepared to take responsibility can change the direction of their relationship through understanding a new way to approach their own emotions and triggers.

Just one person can make a massive difference, but they must act quickly as permanent disconnection is a process.

  • So you may want to avoid a divorce 
  • You may want to save your marriage or make it better.

It all starts with our relationships with ourselves first, please remember if a person needs to control their partner so they are emotionally stable then how can they ever create a successful marriage.

When individuals replace their out of control triggers with personal responsibility and learning then they start to gain the power of what it takes to really grow their relationship and connection with each other.

If this has struck a chord with you and you would like to learn how to become an effective relationship builder on your own or as a couple between now and Christmas I have just 12 places left for my tailored programs.

So please make contact today if you are interested.

Category iconMarriage Coaching

"FREE Call with Harley Street Marriage in Crisis Expert Stephen Hedger"

"In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress."

Get Started Now!

Recent Posts

  • “Never try to change your partner”
  • Retired couple in crisis “We should know better at our age!”
  • “He wants to leave the marriage”
  • Never make anything more important than your partner – Mini Post
  • Never Ignore Your Partner’s Cry for Help – Mini Post

Over 1000 Relationship Articles

 

Categories

  • A thought for Sunday
  • Communication
  • Destructive Patterns
  • Infidelity-Affairs
  • Loss of Love
  • Loss of passion
  • Marriage Coaching
  • Personal Development
  • Rebuilding trust
  • Relationship Stories
  • Retirement Crisis
  • Save Marriage Alone
  • Separation & Divorce
  • Stop & Never – Mini Posts
  • Testimonials
  • Top 10 Popular Posts
  • Uncategorized

Primary Sidebar

Free Blog Subscription

Join over 30,000 subscribers who have looked for insights into intimate relationships why they work and why they don't. Weekly posts join now.....

Popular Posts

  • Built an Empire and lost a Family
  • Marriage in Limbo
  • Rebuilding Connection & Trust
  • Divorce Regret
  • Divorce Prevention
  • Resentment Stacking
  • 36 Principles For Success
  • My Wife is Aggressive
  • A Wise Old Man's Decision
  • I was in tears
  • Tourtured by the past

Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

About Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger is known as the most sought after marriage in crisis specialist in the UK. He is famous for consistently and naturally saving many marriages from divorce. He is a favourite of business leaders, business owners, Judges and celebrities.

Stephen runs his meetings from his office in Harley Street London and supports his global clients over Zoom.

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

Footer

Sessions currently held over Zoom

If you are interested in Stephens help please call his team on

+44 (0)845 519 4808


Head Office
10 Harley Street
London
W1G 9PF

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

  • Cloe Hedger (Stephen’s wife)
  • Marriage Breakthrough Program
  • Individual Coaching
  • About
  • Success Stories
  • Over 1000 Articles
  • FAQs
  • Mission: Vision: Values:

Recent Posts

  • “Never try to change your partner”
  • Retired couple in crisis “We should know better at our age!”
  • “He wants to leave the marriage”
  • Never make anything more important than your partner – Mini Post
  • Never Ignore Your Partner’s Cry for Help – Mini Post

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

Apply FOR HELP NOW

Terms & Privacy Policy      Copyright © 2022 StephenHedger.com. All rights reserved. Company No.08279028    Return to top