Are you patterned for success or failure in your marriage?
You know you are patterned for a successful marriage when you both can influence a positive shift of any destructive emotional state.
For example, if one person is unhappy and the other is able to shift their emotions to one they would value they are patterned correctly.
This shift could be towards inner peace, laughter, security, reassurance, feeling loved, cared for, to name a few.
Couples that make it will hear their partners needs and will care about them. Couples that don’t make it will not be interested in their partner needs.
Patterns are formed through months and years of repetition so they create behaviors without thought.
It’s like the pattern of learning to drive a car, to start with it takes a lot of conscious effort in the end driving happens without thought.
Most people are living with reactively driven patterns they have not designed.
Some are in patterns their past designed, others are in patterns handed down from lost and fearful parents.
Many grown-up children are horrified because they adopted their parents’ patterns without knowing and turned into their parents later in life.
Time for a change
We are looking to help couples to understand why the patterns they currently are in is making their marriage worse.
The key is to help the person(s) stop their outdated reactive patterns and guide them towards new constructive patterns.
One of the ways to change a pattern is by making the change the person’s choice through an in-depth understanding of their relationship and their partners’ world.
People must learn that their partners thinking patterns are completely different from their own.
This is why trying to understand your partners’ words using your own mind will never take you to an answer that would help.
Remember the old saying: The thinking that created the problem is not the thinking needed to solve it.
The thinking has to change
What new understanding creates is choices that were before hidden.
So let say a wife is upset and has brought words the husband would call negative or critical.
By helping the husband understand her true intent and the reason she is communicating this way gives him the space to develop choices of reaction.
To be a positive influencer his rules are simple.
He must add value to her and he must not deviate from his own values.
This simple formula for success is what makes the difference, but most will have no idea how to achieve this.
Most men that are criticised will be instantly patterned to self-protection, counterattack, attempts at logic, and escape.
This is normal behaviour, but it isn’t helpful.
But by understanding a new way to hear what is happening for her and what she is trying to achieve he can respond in a way that supports everything that is important to him so it doesn’t disconnect him from his own integrity.
Developing choice through understanding brings new intelligence to their relationship.
Both people are 100% responsible for protecting the marriage so each person has a choice am I here to break it or mend it?
Break it or Mend it!?
Relationships are a constant flow of changing energy and so when two people enter conflict they both have a choice to break it and make the problem worse, or mend it.
If attempts to make it better always make it worse then please know there is information you are missing so your approach needs to change.
Helping couples learn how to create the space in their minds to choose how they will mend their connection means they have understood these critical skills.
- How to see their world through their partner eyes
- How to trigger their partner to feelings they would like
- How to stay connected to your own values in the process
If a couple can do those three actions with
- Day-today connection
- When conflict strikes
- When developing sexual attraction
- Through playing together
- Planning their purpose
Their newly patterned connection now makes sense for a safer future.
The key foundation in a repatterining process is mindset.
- Invest 100% it’s not a 50/50 deal it’s a 100/100 deal
- Care about your partner’s perspective without judgment or blame
- Never make the relationship about you
- Always see who they really are, seeing the bad only isn’t intelligent, fair or true
- Act with integrity by honoring what you say is an important code to live by
- Embrace the truth don’t fear it. It will create vulnerability, but that’s why only people with courage have successful relationships.
- Never make your partner wrong
- Know your partner is not like you so your thinking will not help you to understand theirs