When married life is NOT turning out to be the way they hoped, it’s natural for people to stack resentments towards their partner. This has the ability to have a powerfully destructive effect on the marriage of most couples without them knowing.
In today post I’m going to talk about a powerfully hidden force that couples don’t discover until it’s too late.
When a person stacks resentment towards their partner they start to create negative attachments with their partner and their relationship.
The resentments will move them towards creating an automatic filter that converts most things in the relationship into a negative experience.
Their husband or wife can start to feel that nothing they do works or is ever good enough.
This results in one or both people protecting themselves from each other. This is not a good place for the couple to be and should be seen as a sign a fast change is needed.
This need to protect me from you is a typical foundation present in couples that come to see me for specialist crisis help.
You see, with resentments high and couples focused on protecting themselves from each other. The natural causality of this focus is going to be attraction and passion.
Passion is the life-force needed to keep the relationship alive. Passion and attraction is the key to ensuring any relationship last forever.
Couples that successfully stay together are passionate about their life and excited about their future. They are passionate about being together and are both excited about where they are going.
Individuals that have stacked their resentments eventually stop seeing their future together and can’t wait to spend time away from the relationship.
My message to all couples is this: When your relationship enters this destructive emotional space of resentments the faster you take action to get help the easier it is to sort it out.
You see there is a window of opportunity that doesn’t seem obvious. The window opens when someone starts their resentment and it closes when someone has had enough and makes a decision.
When someone makes a decision to get out of their marriage getting them back in is a massive job. It’s massive because it’s usually taken them years to get to this point so they are reluctant to go backwards.
An average timescale to detach emotionally is about 2 years from when someone feels wrong in their marriage.
Many people make the mistake of hoping things will just get better.
My message is simple: You have to know why it went wrong to make it right. So doing nothing, or doing the wrong thing is like playing the lottery with your families future.
Far too many marriages fail for all the wrong reasons and this is because too many people are simply not aware of what’s really happened to get them to such a destructive place.
Is too easy to blame the relationship. My clients very often discover what they thought was the problem turns out to be very different.
One lady came to me because she wanted to save her marriage she had been involved in an affair. The black and white view of this says she can’t be trusted.
The reality is her destructive childhood had given her a no-win survival pattern with her husband. With the right knowledge of the past, she worked with me to understand and break this pattern and replace it with one she could be successful with.
Relationships are very complex and need real understanding to help couples make good decisions for their future.