Why is it so many of us get into such a muddle with our lives and our relationships? The reason is, because we can self sabotage our own lives without knowing.
- Of course there are many reason how and why we do this, but one action does stand out to cause all sorts of problems.
If you are having a bad time at the moment you may discover that you spend along time focused inwardly on your thoughts and your feelings. You focus on what’s wrong, you focus on your problems, or your feelings, or what others may be doing, or not doing that could hurt you.
You may even find you have a nagging, or aggressive voice in your head constantly working on you. Again this is more internal focus.
You may even be looking for all the ways in which your life is not the way it should be. So when you see the difference between where you are today and where you think you should be, you start to not trust your decisions. Now you can’t trust you!
- How about if you walk past a group of people and they all start laughing. Where does your focus go, is it to what’s wrong with you (internal focus), or is on how great it is to hear people having fun (external focus).
- How about if you ever have to speak in public, is your focus on what could go wrong (internal focus) or on making sure that those you are talking to is engaged with your words (external focus).
- If you have ever experienced blushing one of the best ways to make yourself go as red as you can, is to focus on the fact you are going red.
Your mind will give you what you are looking for
If you spend a lot of time focused inwardly on yourself your mind has no choice but to give you what you start to look for. So if you are on a search for how to not trust your partner, then it’s very easy to find many ways.
If you look for ways in which you may not be good enough for your partner, your mind will obey and give you buckets of reasons why you are not good enough.
We are all conditioned to look for what’s wrong, we even connect with others on this level. Tell someone your problems and people will sympathise and listen to you, tell them your life is amazing and you’ll be labelled a big headed or arrogant and people will move away from you.
What’s wrong is easy to find, the challenge is to change this destructive pattern and look for what’s great in your life so your focus starts to go outside of you. What you will discover is if you practice this every day you will find so many things to be grateful for in your life.
When you do this you will start to notice your life starting to change, because you’ll start to make good decisions and you start to grow again. This is because the state of fear you were in has shifted to a state of calm and peaceful gratitude.
- If your not growing you are standing still or dieing and neither feels great.
Persistently take control of your focus and you’ll take control of your life.
What you focus on is a choice and you can’t focus on good things and bad things at the same time, try it, it’s impossible.
- So if that’s true I know which one I’d choose to focus on, what do you think?
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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