When you see as many couples as I do, you can’t help but see patterns emerge. She is impossible to please is one of the typical beliefs that men come into sessions with. It’s not true of course, but from his perspective it is AND HE HAS PROOF!
What usually happens is he has tried everything except what really works. He will use male logic to solve her situation and when he has exhausted every option and still fails he will give up, left with the feeling… “She is impossible to please” .
The reason he fails is simple and is why he can’t solve their problem, he is trying to please her from the perspective of a man. She is not a man so his solutions will never work. If he were to put himself in her shoes he would notice a different world and a different solution.
So guys if you are having constant relationship problems, you are likely to be part of the problem rather than part of the solution.
The challenge she faces is: When he feels she is impossible to please this for him is one of the biggest sources of pain. It is proof that maybe he is not enough and maybe he will never get the love he needs. This could mean he gets weaker, he leaves, has an affair, bullies her and so on, none of which will work for her and the relationship will start to break down. If you have children they will be feeling the pain so please act quickly.
I have to help men understand what they have to do to be successful with her.
What I help him to learn is things like
- How to understand her and what she means when she speaks
- How to stop making her problems about him
- How to understand her core need and fulfil his own at the same time
- What has to happen for her to engage sexually
- How to help her feel amazing about her and attach those feeling to him.
- How to stop judging her.
- How to look after her when she is in pain, even pain caused by him
- How to help her create a future that she can get excited about.
- How to give and love unconditionally
When a man learns how to serve and protect his partner in the way she needs, he will meet his own needs through giving to her. This will help him to feel great, plus she will feel wonderful and look for many ways to help him feel great too.