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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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Should couples expect relationship problems?

I have put this post together because a few people have asked me why couples that started their lives together in love can find themselves in serious trouble without there being an obvious problem like an affair? 

I want you to see the chain reaction that leads relationships to go wrong. Of course every situation is different, but there are some core challenges which underpins the process to go from a loving relationship to divorce.

The process I have illustrated is simplified so this post didn’t turn into a book, however please note each part has many complexities and consequences.

Relationships die because of one core reason. If the individuals needs are not met, a chain reaction is set off which can cause severe problems and is why loving couples end up divorcing unnecessary.

Not understanding and meeting your partners needs can have the following effects.

Firstly trust will become a problem because when a couple do not meet each others critical needs it creates the feeling their partner is not connected to what’s really important to them.

This may lead them to feeling isolated, lonely, detached, emotionally numb.

In essence they can feel that their partner doesn’t care about them and so they won’t feel loved in the way they need. This is a big red flag for any person to be on guard emotionally.

When a person feels their partner doesn’t care, or want to understand them, their future becomes too uncertain and so their focus moves them to what they can control, this new controlling state is usually destructive for the relationship.

Most individuals in this space will also be struggling to find their partner attractive as their polarity shifts and the attraction dies. You see it’s actually impossible to protect yourself from your partner and love them at the same time.

When a person is in this place emotionally they will create patterns of behaviour that further disconnects them from who they really are. E.G. A naturally loving person can find themselves doing the reverse to protect themselves for them this is exhausting. This is why some people complain they are hating who they are becoming when they are with their partner.

This disconnect from their true self happens mainly when they are with their partner. This process empties them emotionally. They may want to spend less time with their partner and more time with others, hobbies or work.

They can cycle from feeling sad to feeling angry and back again only getting off this endless cycle through distraction, drink and other coping strategies.

Couples can do this without being conscious of their actions and the impact they are having on each other. They will practice this process without knowing the true consequences.

The more the person detaches emotionally the less they will care about the relationship. A sufficiently numb a person can see a new life as freedom from their partner and their trapped emotionally destructive state.

So can this pattern of destruction be stopped?

To reconnect the couple and save the relationship a strategy would have to be created that would lead them safely to reconnect not just to each other, but also to their true self, the part they lost in their quest to protect themselves as the relationship became destructive.

At any point this process it’s possible to reconnect the couple back to a loving connection once the couple understand what is really going on and what they are both really trying to achieve.

Couples are falling into this process of hidden traps without knowing and it leads them to the belief the relationship is dead and for the vast majority this is simply not true.

 

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Stephen Hedger
Stephen Hedger
About the author:

Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach

With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.

Click to find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
Stephen Hedger
Latest posts by Stephen Hedger (see all)
  • Loss of Love? How to Save Your Relationship - June 26, 2025
  • Passionless Marriage: “Sex life dying – want to know why?” - June 26, 2025
  • Coping with an Affair: How to Rebuild Trust and Save Your Marriage - June 26, 2025

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

“There’s no hope in hell – I want a divorce!”

April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

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Recent Clients: Scotland, Ireland, Texas, New York, Dubai, Los Angeles, Austrailia, Japan, Germany, France, Ireland, UK, Monaco to name a few.

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems.

Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • Your Marriage Isn’t Broken — The Pattern Is. Here’s How to Fix It.
  • The 5C Marriage Blueprint: The Foundation Every Relationship Needs to Thrive
  • The Silent Killer of Marriages: When You Stop Being You
  • Emotional Intimacy in Marriage: The Key to Trust, Connection, and Lasting Passion
  • Please Save Our Marriage – My Wife has Asked for a Divorce

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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