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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“Should I be in this marriage?” She asked

So I was chatting with a lady who was recommended to me and she wanted to find out if I could help her and her husband?

They were at breaking point and she was about to action lawyers, but she was unsure if she had really tried everything and had heard from a friend about me. She said she liked the idea that I don’t sit couples in their problems and focus on their past.

I asked her to help me understand from her perspective what she had experienced in the relationship.

As she was talking I could hear straight away that her husband was not protecting her emotionally and she was having to look after herself in her marriage.

I could hear she didn’t feel emotionally safe with him and she had lost all sense of who she was and was struggling to make a decision about her marriage that made sense to her. It was especially painful as she had young children and knew the wrong decision would affect them for life.

She was naturally resentful of this uncomfortable position and had attached this pain to her husband and the relationship.

I explained to her that her husband was unlikely to be able to understand this was even a need she had and even if he did know he was unlikely to understand how to do it so it worked for her.

I also shared with her that it was unlikely that she knew how to communicate her critical need to her husband in a way he could understand and take action on.

She paused as she considered my thoughts.

I then added that some of the reasons her husband is likely to not be present with her in the way she needs are he will have struggled to find a way to be successful with her.

I explained that the sexes can really struggle to understand each other and all kinds of confusions can come out of situations that only end up hurting each other without ever meaning to.

She had explained that he was now shut down with her and their interaction was purely practical and she couldn’t bear it anymore.

Men in these situations are very likely to give up with her and go to where he can be successful places like his work, friend, family hobbies etc. In his mind, if I go to work and earn the money at least I’m doing the one thing everyone needs.

In essence, he will want to spend his time where what’s happening around him is logical to him and where he can easily be successful.

To him, his wife will be a place that totally lacks logic and so after trying many angles over time men can give up as they run out of ways to deal with what to him feels like a totally impossible situation.

In this place, he can decide to just keep his head down hoping the problem will go away on its own. Of course, it never does!

So I agreed that she must be suffering, but I could hear through her words her husband would also be suffering because his mission of being successful with her would keep presenting him with his own failure, illustrated by her unhappiness.

So together they had created the perfect dynamic to shut the relationship down both looking at the other to change.

The question that for me was left unanswered was this…

If the couple were given the right information would they follow it and apply it to their life?

So I asked her, “If I gave you the information that allowed you to reconnect to who you really are and helped you to become a successful confident and valuable relationship partner would you do it?”

“Yes of course,” she said

You asked me a question “Should I be in this marriage?”

“If you work with me to discover how to become the best of you with the knowledge of what your partner really needs and you find that that best is not good enough for him you are in the wrong relationship.

If you bring the best of you and you meet his needs and he is still focused on himself and he simply takes from you, you are in the wrong relationship.

If your husband understands how to meet your needs and chooses not to do it then not supporting you becomes a choice, so you are in the wrong relationship.

Gaining the information will create an authentic position you will either work or you won’t.

You see you can do no more than become the best of you so you have nothing to lose.

So imagine if I helped both of you to do this so you both felt you could be yourselves with each other with the clear knowledge of how to interact not just in a way that created a deeper connection, but in a way that also created attraction.

Imagine if you could find a way to create conflict and you grew closer from it.

Imagine if you could create a future that was exciting together.

You should not just settle!

You have one life and it should be the one you want, but to gain that you must become an effective leader of yourself and your family.

Being less of who you really are does not create that so, it’s up to you?

So do you really have to leave this relationship to reconnect with who you really are, you don’t yet enough information?”

She agreed!

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

His marriage was over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness, his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • His marriage was over!
  • “Needy and not needed!”
  • “Discover the No.1 Philosophy of Highly Effective Spouses: From Struggle to Success”
  • “Unveiling the Secrets: How I Mastered the Art of Resolving Relationship Issues”
  • 3 Foundations for a Healthy Marriage

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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