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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“Stop trying to fix your problems – you’re making them worse!’

This is a typical instruction I will give to couples who are on the edge of divorce and don’t know what to do or think.

Men and women are so disconnected to the impact of their behaviours with each other they are significantly reducing their chances of success without knowing.

Specifically what you will discover in today’s post is some behaviours and expectations so many people are using that are likely to accelerate their problems.

So the key is to become aware of what won’t work and start to become curious about what will.

The big picture of what I see first hand is people are creating behaviours that kill their attraction and break their connection.

This results in one or maybe both people is stacking resentments and attaching those feelings to their partner and their relationship.

A critical part of any relationship is communication.

When couples communicate, they both think they’re being crystal clear about their challenges with each other, totally unaware their partners’ translation of their words is going to be very different from what they really meant.

So many people are flabbergasted with what their partner does with their words.

Words are powerful, so if two people are taking something very different away from any connection, trouble is not going to be far away.

Please note: This problem is magnified when the couple are in conflict, so they go round in circles.

So please don’t assume your partner is understanding you. NOTE: The chances of understanding are significantly less when problems strike.

The key is to learn how your partner translates what you say and why they do it that way. I have not yet met a couple that naturally understands this and is why so many couples suffer.

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Some people assume their relationship problems will magically disappear, so they find ways to avoid the issues because they have no way to make the problems better.

They have proof that is effective because for the upset party it’s hard work to stay permanently angry or upset, so in time the emotions will calm down. The problem with this approach is the emotions aren’t better through connection and understanding it’s better because one person has protected themselves from their partner and this is a hidden path to an emotional disconnect.

Please know if there is an unresolved problem, it will grow quietly and disable trust and attraction.

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Some think if they keep doing or saying the same thing over and over, their partner will wake up and eventually see it their way.

Some people do roll over and submit and do things their partners’ way, hoping that will please them – this can make life easier initially but can lead to loss of respect and loss of attraction.

Many take emotional control of the relationship using anger or upset because, in the short term, it works unaware of the long term damage that’s waiting for them.

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Many people use personal problems to distract their partner away from their true fears and insecurities. For example, a depressed person can receive good attention to start with, but long-term living with a depressed partner will stress the relationship.

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I meet some people who are totally unaware of how their partner is different to them, so assume their partner behaves badly. Men and women think and behave very differently because they are different.

My clients are supported in stopping their incorrect judgements of each other and replace them with understanding which leads to more support and compassion.

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Some people in crisis I meet have been telling their partner how they should feel and think hoping this will somehow convince them it’s true.

“You know you love me!”

“You know we are good together!”

This will only result in them instantly thinking the reverse and can help them leave the marriage faster.

—————————

Why do some men in troubled marriages become more domesticated when his wife suggests the marriage is over for her.

The reason is because, in many cases, the women have never taught the man in a way he can understand how to support her and understand her.

He has no idea what she really needs, so he guesses and rarely gets it right. In so many cases, I see people really don’t know what they need so they don’t communicate effectively to their partner.

Their needs aren’t met; they feel bad and then blame their partner for not caring and assume the relationship is broken or wrong.

The core of what I”m sharing in today’s post is unless you can understand your partners’ world and how it’s fundamentally different to yours, it makes your success very difficult.

Understanding the difference between men and women is one of the core focuses in my rebuilding marriages programs.

One celebrity couple in my program shared with me that a simple shift of knowledge helped them deal with their conflicts and misunderstanding so quickly.

In early 2019 she told me in the first meeting she was about to move out she couldn’t stand the disconnect.

A year later, they came to see me to catch-up, now expecting their first child with a clear vision of their future and why they are together.

Small shifts of thinking can dramatically change a couples mindset and the direction of their relationship.

I cannot stress enough successful long-term relationships are not natural, they are created out of the knowledge that will align the couple so they share a vision, they have each others backs, and they have a deep understanding of their natural differences and individual roles.

In essence, people don’t need to be changed; they need to be helped to understand themselves and each other better.

 

 

 

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Recent Posts

  • “Living with a problem partner” – Mini post
  • “Never be a dream killer” – Mini Post
  • “STOP making YOUR partners upset about YOU!”
  • “Never try to change your partner”
  • Retired couple in crisis “We should know better at our age!”

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

About Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger is known as the most sought after marriage in crisis specialist in the UK. He is famous for consistently and naturally saving many marriages from divorce. He is a favourite of business leaders, business owners, Judges and celebrities.

Stephen runs his meetings from his office in Harley Street London and supports his global clients over Zoom.

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • “Living with a problem partner” – Mini post
  • “Never be a dream killer” – Mini Post
  • “STOP making YOUR partners upset about YOU!”
  • “Never try to change your partner”
  • Retired couple in crisis “We should know better at our age!”

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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