• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

New Clients: +44 (0)845 519 4808

Existing Clients +44 (0)20 3793 2829

Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

  • Marriage Breakthrough Program
  • FAQs
  • Success Stories
  • About
  • Appointments
  • Blog

“Thank you for not giving up on me…”

These were the words from a woman that months before swore blind that her marriage was dead. She was thanking her husband for not giving up the fight to save his relationship and family.

Months before she sat in my office telling me that she would explore the relationship, but her mind was made up, she wasn’t in love with her husband and she had to leave.

She also presented a relationship history that essentially said she never really loved him and she had made a mistake marrying him.

To him this was a total contradiction of his experience, he even bought up letters and cards of love that she had written to him over the years. She denied any of it was real and she was playing a part.

He came to explore the possibility of solving this challenge with me. From his perspective she had totally changed in behaviour, what she said didn’t make sense, he felt like he was living with a totally different woman.

When I first met this lady she was resolved in her explanation of her feelings. She felt nothing for her husband and couldn’t live a lie just for her children.

However…

She was prepared to explore the relationship, but only for her children’s sake.

Her history told us how she had learnt to keep her feelings within her. She had learnt early in life that communicating her emotions would only lead to bad things happening to her.

This meant her husband was totally unaware of the challenges she was really facing, because her pattern of behaviour lead her to deal with her problems on her own.

She had tried getting upset with her husband in the past, but her husband misunderstood her cry for help, by defending himself and getting angry with her. This lead to a confirmation that she wasn’t safe to open up and so she remained shut down.

Historically this woman was looking for a life she could control. So she found a man she could depend on. She found a man she knew her parents would love.

As any couple will discover with me relationships and love cannot be controlled.

She needed to control because she needed to feel emotionally safe, sadly her behaviours and interpretation of her husbands behaviours had made her feel so unsafe she used a mechanism to help her feel better…

…that process was to numb her emotional self.

This process is the very process that when practised will enable a loss of feelings and help her feel out of love with him.

In essence she had spent so long protecting herself from her husband, (who wasn’t trying to hurt her) it had resulting in her falling out of love with him.

Of course the husband was not perfect and had lots to learn, but based on what he knew he had done his best.

His frustration was that nothing he did worked, he couldn’t believe things were this bad for her and so his frustration over the years had lead him to protect himself from her seeming lack of love towards him.

Their combined actions were killing their relationship.

The moment she told him it was over, his perspective changed away from himself and her lack of love to a clear mission to get her back into the relationship.

The mission from my perspective was clear. Help him create consistent behaviours that were most likely to keep her safe and help her to feel safe to open up to him.

Highly motivated he followed every instruction, by contrast her motivation was low she just wanted the pain to stop quickly. She had emotionally left the relationship and so the mission was to help her reconnect emotionally with her true essence so she could evaluate what she wanted to do from that new perspective.

This meant collapsing old patterns that were trying to protect her, but had actually made life impossible for her and replace them with ones that would actually work.

With support from external family that she respected and an effective shift from her husband and increasing curiosity on her part she started to see she could feel safe in the relationship this meant an emotional connection was possible.

Her husband stood strong and loved her through this horrible time, but this time was different, instead of disconnection they ended with her connecting to his love and this time a love she could believe in.

He told me over the phone how she had thanked him for not giving up on her. She told him that she now feels so different, but back then she really couldn’t find a way out of her darkness back to him.

My message today is that feelings are not permanent and can change with new perspectives.

Please follow and like us:
fb-share-icon
Tweet

Category iconUncategorized

"Follow simple yet powerful steps designed to save and reignite a marriage fast no matter what has happened"

Get Access Now!

Recent Posts

  • His marriage was over!
  • “Needy and not needed!”
  • “Discover the No.1 Philosophy of Highly Effective Spouses: From Struggle to Success”
  • “Unveiling the Secrets: How I Mastered the Art of Resolving Relationship Issues”
  • 3 Foundations for a Healthy Marriage
  • Misdiagnosis – Divorce Prevention Part 3
  • The Divorce Path – Divorce Prevention Part 2
  • Mistakes that lead couples to Divorce – Part 1
  • Can’t live with you. Can’t live without you!
  • When a marriage breaks down – What do I do?
  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!
  • “Identity Secrets”- Mini Post
  • Committing to Personal Integrity – Mini Post
  • Men are afraid – Mini Post
  • Are you in a trading relationship? – Mini post
  • Communicating with MEN – Mini Post
  • From Stephen Hedger to you…

Over 1000 Relationship Articles

Categories

  • A thought for Sunday
  • Communication
  • Destructive Patterns
  • Discussion
  • Infidelity-Affairs
  • Loss of Love
  • Loss of passion
  • Lost Attraction
  • Marriage Coaching
  • Personal Development
  • Rebuilding trust
  • Relationship Stories
  • Retirement Crisis
  • Save Marriage Alone
  • Separation & Divorce
  • Stop & Never – Mini Posts
  • Stuck
  • Testimonials
  • Top 10 Popular Posts
  • Uncategorized

 

Primary Sidebar

I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

Popular Posts

  • Women are struggling, but men don’t understand why
  • Built an Empire and lost a Family
  • Marriage in Limbo
  • Rebuilding Connection & Trust
  • Divorce Regret
  • Divorce Prevention
  • Resentment Stacking
  • 36 Principles For Success
  • My Wife is Aggressive
  • A Wise Old Man's Decision
  • I was in tears
  • Tourtured by the past

Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

His marriage was over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness, his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

Footer

Sessions currently held over Zoom

If you are interested in Stephens help please call his team on

+44 (0)845 519 4808


Head Office
10 Harley Street
London
W1G 9PF

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

  • Marriage Counselling Alternative
  • Cloe Hedger (Stephen’s wife)
  • Marriage Breakthrough Program
  • Individual Coaching
  • About
  • Success Stories
  • Over 1000 Articles
  • FAQs
  • Mission: Vision: Values:

Recent Posts

  • His marriage was over!
  • “Needy and not needed!”
  • “Discover the No.1 Philosophy of Highly Effective Spouses: From Struggle to Success”
  • “Unveiling the Secrets: How I Mastered the Art of Resolving Relationship Issues”
  • 3 Foundations for a Healthy Marriage

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

Apply FOR HELP NOW

Terms & Privacy Policy      Copyright © 2023 StephenHedger.com. All rights reserved. Company No.08279028    Return to top