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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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The MAPS you’ll need to prevent a divorce

Today’s post is going to be a little different, I’m going to be sharing one of the key focuses I use to help couples reconnect even after years of disconnection.

One of the things we need to change in these couples is the way they think about their relationship, themselves and their partner. This needs to happen because they won’t be aware that their historical thinking is part of why they are in trouble.

So I’ll start with this thought…

If you were in New York and lost and someone handed you a map of Paris could you rely on that map of Paris to help you to make good decisions and take you to were you want to go in New York?

It’s obvious this simply wouldn’t work yet not understanding this concept is leading couples to rely on the wrong maps and this is leading so many to divorce for the wrong reason.

I’ll explain…

If we expand that map concept to the human mind. Each of us from birth has been creating a totally unique map of our existence so far. So our thinking (our internal map we use to understand the world) is influenced on many layers such as our unique history our beliefs, values, needs etc…

We also have our own unique understanding through the maps we have built of what a good relationship really looks like.

The problem with our own maps is they are based only on one perspective and so when we try to understand other peoples behaviours we are going to have to use our own map to decipher what their behaviour really means and if you do that the chances of being wrong are very high.

What I see very clearly is couples are practising this concept in varying ways and it consistently leads the couples to stack resentment against each other but for the wrong reasons.

When I speak with couples about how to really translate their partner behaviours they can start to see clearly why they were both really suffering.

This process can be a real eye opener for all the couples.

One layer of confusion is the massive differences in how the sexes operate differently within an intimate relationship.

Your partner is going to be nothing like you and so their behaviour will at times be confusing especially if you use your own map of understanding to translate their behaviours.

When I work with couples I’m essentially working to expanding their map so the couple can accurately connect with what is really going on for their partner so they can stop protecting themselves from their partner and start being supportive to each other.

One gentleman in a marital crisis came for my help. He was 71 and his wife was 65 and he married her when he was 25.

He said to me “I have been with my wife over 45 years and of course I know her well but after coming here and learning her map I realised that I really didn’t know her at all – which was shocking, enlightening and sad at the same time.”

Sadly this gentleman had been using the wrong map (his own) to understand his wife for 45 years so of course, they were emotionally disconnected.

I had to share with his wife that her husband really wasn’t translating her well at all BUT he was never just going to.

She discovered because her internal map of his behaviours was also wrong (she was also using her own map to understand him) she had expectations of him that he didn’t even know should be a focus.

So she always felt let down – their historic thinking really wasn’t enough to support the relationship.

Getting to their age and feeling their life together could end was frightening for them.

He told me knew he wanted to protect and provide for her but because he had no internal map of how to achieve the emotional connection and security she needed she always felt disconnected from him.

He thought that getting a good job and being a good man and a good provider was all he needed to be a good husband for her.

He didn’t know what else he could do and that’s the point and the problem for everyone, we don’t know what we don’t know.

Understanding your partners’ map is critical if you are going to stay on the same page and so many couples start well but end up on very different pages with devastating consequences.

What is obvious for one person is not going to be obvious for the other. Men and women are not the same at all – nature has designed us differently for a reason. The key to a successful marriage is to understand those differences and build on your unique strengths and become a team.

I’m currently teaching couples how to build accurate maps to understand each other…

  • Couples in crisis are learning how to stop their divorce.
  • Couples who love each other but have lost energy/passion for each other find out why and how to fix it.
  • Couples who are looking to marry and want to make sure they do it for life learn how to become valuable.
  • Couples who are having mixed results dating each other discover why they are having problems so they can decide if marriage is right or wrong for them.

 

 

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Stephen Hedger
Stephen Hedger
About the author:

Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach

With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.

Click to find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
Stephen Hedger
Latest posts by Stephen Hedger (see all)
  • Loss of Love? How to Save Your Relationship - June 26, 2025
  • Passionless Marriage: “Sex life dying – want to know why?” - June 26, 2025
  • Coping with an Affair: How to Rebuild Trust and Save Your Marriage - June 26, 2025

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
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Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

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Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

“There’s no hope in hell – I want a divorce!”

April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems.

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Recent Posts

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  • “What Do You Hear When I Speak?”
  • Your Marriage Isn’t Broken — The Pattern Is. Here’s How to Fix It.
  • The 5C Marriage Blueprint: The Foundation Every Relationship Needs to Thrive
  • The Silent Killer of Marriages: When You Stop Being You

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Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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