One of the most important foundational skills a person can learn is how to influence their partner positively.
To be specific, what I mean is the ability to trigger your partner to experience positive emotions throughout your connection together.
It’s easy and takes no skill to trigger someone negatively every couple I meet is doing that.
The skill that must be mastered is about helping your partner experience an emotion or emotions they would like to experience.
This skill is especially powerful when a potential problem strikes, how do you help your partner experience an emotional state that would make them feel resourceful?
Most people in a relationship create triggers that makes their partner defensive and self-protective.
This is the worst energy you can create in a partner as it’s a path to dissolving the couple’s connection.
Just imagine having a skill that changes the normal “upsetting each other pattern” into one of more connection.
Every person I meet has to be taught this new pattern of connection.
The reason is they have been responding to their partners’ behaviours so badly is because they are assuming their partner was a version of them so their behaviour is one that can be judged.
Some men are thinking their wives are badly behaved, some women are thinking their husband doesn’t care or has no empathy.
IMPORTANT!!! – Your partner is nothing like you and this is a significant reason for so much disconnect and painful misunderstandings.
So couples that are hungry to grow their relationships out of their problems into a significantly better place now have a chance to learn the pattern of constructive connection replacing their old judgemental and destruction patterns.