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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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This is the truth that if understood will set couples free

Yes this is a big statement, but I don’t make it lightly. As you scan this post today you may start to see a possibility that was not there before.

When problems start to occur in a relationship one of the automatic processes that individuals experience is they respond to their problems with their habitual coping strategies. These are behaviours usually designed to protect them from being hurt emotionally.

The problem this behaviour creates is the person is now focused on protecting themselves rather than contributing positively to the relationship. This means they are no longer an effective contributor to the relationship and are actually contributing to the destruction of the relationship.

This is a dangerous position especially if the person becomes stuck focusing on themselves. If this becomes the way they live in the relationship they will become vulnerable to serious problems.

When this happens the relationship goes deeper into a needs deficit and the couple will start to feel the trust in each other is dying.

As the couple start to feel the relationship is no longer meeting their needs, they will gravitate to other activities, things, hobbies, people to feel good.

All this activity is of course killing the relationship further and so the couple are now focused on what’s bad and what’s wrong, but are missing key information.

Firstly their mission to protect themselves from the being hurt is actually leading them to being hurt as they become part of the problem too.

You see when a person is protecting themselves emotionally they take on a different identity in terms of what they value most, in itself this causes emotional pain.

So a caring, kind, loving person can change to be focused and prioritising trust, security, all designed to control the situation so they feel ok in the moment. The problem with this new focus is it’s not reflective of the persons natural essence.

The moment the person jumps into this protective state they instantly feel awful, blaming the problem(s) or their partner.

This is most evident when a person discovers their partner is having an affair. Instantly the shock changes their focus from feeling secure to insecure instantly and so they feel horrible inside.

For most couples this process is slower, over time they change, but because it’s slow they don’t notice the changes in the same way. Some people experiencing this complain that they have lost themselves in the relationship.

What all these situations create is a focus that’s distorted. It’s like the person has created a filter to translate their relationship. If the emotional state of the person is low, or poor, then that’s the filter they will use to translate the relationship.

So the worse the person feels they more negatively they will see the relationship, the more negative their translation of the relationship the more they protect themselves which makes them feel worse as they get further and further away from who they really are.

When this takes place the person is naturally deleting all the good in the relationship and this leads them to a distorted generalisation that the relationship is wrong or bad for them.

So my message is this, if the relationship feels bad or wrong it may feel that way because of the changes the individuals have made in themselves in reaction to each other.

When pressure is put on a relationship couples dramatically misread each other and so they both become less of who they really are. This is the real problem, because it ignites real fears and keeps those fears alive.

When the individuals learn how to react and become more of who they really are instead of less of who they really are, that’s when the relationship with themselves and each other really starts to become naturally secure.

Relationships are complicated, but a few key powerful philosophies and a few critical tools can change everything.

Learning how is the key, like everything.

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Head Office
10 Harley Street
London
W1G 9PF

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • “Needy and not needed!”
  • “Discover the No.1 Philosophy of Highly Effective Spouses: From Struggle to Success”
  • “Unveiling the Secrets: How I Mastered the Art of Resolving Relationship Issues”
  • 3 Foundations for a Healthy Marriage
  • Misdiagnosis – Divorce Prevention Part 3

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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