When a relationship is going well it’s one of the biggest sources of pleasure, but when problems strike and specifically problems the couple don’t know how to solve the individual(s) can start to suffer.
Some suffer quietly and some are vocal about their experience.
When a person suffers for too long this can lead them to an emotional detachment process and as a result they can create feelings that tell them their love for their partner is dead permanently, it’s important to know that assumption is not necessary a fact.
The biggest problem couples face is not having the tools to understand what is really happening in their relationship. So they adopt these kinds of positions…
- Some hoped it would just get better with time
- Some assumed it was better, not clear on their partners real feelings.
- Some assumed they would just be safe because we love each other don’t we?
- Some experienced big trust challenges such as an affair and simply brushed it under the carpet.
- Some know they have problems, but were not clear on how big they really were.
- Some feel they have done all they can and are now emotionally empty.
- Some blame their partner, themselves, circumstance, time, children, illness etc
Many were simply unaware of the ticking bomb that sat in a relationship they thought they would have for life.
My message to all couples:
1. Find out what really has to happen for your relationship to become what you both want it to be, long before you have problems?
2. For those in crisis, become curious to discover what has to happen to get your relationship back on track permanently.
The divorce rate is high for a really good reason. Many couples simply don’t have the knowledge they need to keep the relationship alive, healthy and passionate. My point is this, many couples assume incompatibility when in reality their problems come from a position that can be solved with the right approach.
Having a history of love, connection and passion does not guarantee that those feeling are a permanent state for that couple. The couple would have to do something for that love to remain alive.
In fact I have seen many different starts to a relationship and they have all ended up in the same place.
One distinction is really important at this point, staying married is not the goal couples should be focused on. Feeling passionate, alive and free in your marriage to be loved for who you are is the kind of experience we should all strive for.
The point of todays post is: All couple should expect problems in their relationship, but if you don’t have the necessary skills of how to become a team and solve those problems together then it’s very challenging to connect effectively for life.
Bad feelings in relationships are simply messages that some changes are needed. Assuming the change that’s needed is divorce or separation is far too extreme and can affect their family unnecessarly.
Many people complain and say “I tried everything…” In reality they tried what they know and in my experience the vast majority simply do not know enough. In fact what they know is highly like to be causing the very problems they are experiencing and vocalising they don’t like.
The simple fact is if you really want to protect your relationship then you’re going to need to know how. Click here to book and initial consultation to find out how.