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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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#700: Want to save your marriage? Then you must learn how to become attractive to your partner…

One of the key ingredients to a successful marriage is to keep the attraction/passion alive. What I see most couples doing is they practice acting in very unattractive ways that actually repel their partner.

Men and women are choosing to live together without learning about how different they really are. They make assumptions about their partner that creates resentments that become a powerfully negative force.

So when problems strike they don’t know how to translate their partners actions so they automatically assume the worst.

When this happens this is the start of big trouble for any couple.

So one of my missions for my clients is to help them learn the steps they need to keep that attraction alive for life.

At the end of todays post you will see how I helped one man see that he was shutting her down in his quest to be safe with her.

The mission for all couples is to help them understand how the right behaviours can help their partner to see them as attractive again.

How their partners sees them is absolutely critical.

So this is the conundrum. How does a person behave in ways that builds deeper foundations of security in the relationship and also ignites attraction that leads us both to passion and sexual connection?

Couples that gain this answer, are the ones that become life long lovers.

This is the challenge nearly all couples face, because the way they operate with each other is likely to be blocking the path to life long success.

It’s normal for individuals to only see their own perspective and blame their partner for the state of the relationship.

The reality for most couples is their real problem sits in how their ‘behavioural patterns’ have created a ‘couples dynamic’ that makes attraction impossible.

If this is practiced over time, one person will want to escape the relationship on some level, some escape emotionally (detachment) and some physically (divorce).

If you want to keep your marriage alive then you have to learn fast how to see the relationship from your partners perspective.

When two people decide to do this the result is very powerful.

I see so many couples who are lost, they still have a connection, but they are struggling to be together.

To get them out of a destructive trajectory and into a growth pattern the couple must learn how to understand the reactive automatic behaviours that are killing the relationship.

The key here is the word REACTIVE?

Reactive behaviours are behaviours without thought. These are the patterns that have been learnt over years of life. The person will have created ways of understanding the world. They will have needs, beliefs and values all connected to rules they think will keep them safe. Many discover the way they think actually makes their goals impossible to achieve.

For example: One gentleman screamed at his wife when he felt insecure in the relationship. I asked him if he understood this pattern within him?

Together we learnt that it was designed to protect him from the loss of the relationship. I asked him if he had noticed his wife’s reaction to his screaming at her. All he saw was her stopping the ‘moaning and complaining’ so in his mind it worked.

I explained to him that he was emotionally shutting her down to the point she no longer felt safe to be with him.

I asked him if this reaction within her to his shouting was likely to keep her in the relationship? He said no.

So in your quest to to protect you from the loss of the relationship you are acting in ways that will make her want to leave!

He never screamed at her again.

So he learnt with me how to understand himself and why he was reacting that way to her. He also learnt how to understand her world and how she was acting, so he could protect her.

She learnt how to reconnect with her passionate energy and how she could use that to bring out the man in him.

They both learnt the behaviours that would automatically reconnected them to their true selves and each other in a way kept them safe and paved the way to attraction and sexual energies.

Understanding there are critical steps to building that trust and connection are key to the couples reconnection.

If this has stuck a chord please make contact to discover what can be done in your situation.

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

About Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger is known as the most sought after marriage in crisis specialist in the UK. He is famous for consistently and naturally saving many marriages from divorce. He is a favourite of business leaders, business owners, Judges and celebrities.

Stephen runs his meetings from his office in Harley Street London and supports his global clients over Zoom.

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

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“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

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When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

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What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

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Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

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Head Office
10 Harley Street
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W1G 9PF

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • “Living with a problem partner” – Mini post
  • “Never be a dream killer” – Mini Post
  • “STOP making YOUR partners upset about YOU!”
  • “Never try to change your partner”
  • Retired couple in crisis “We should know better at our age!”

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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