We are not naturally designed to live together for life – so we need skills to achieve this dream…

When you look at divorce statistics, relationship failures and the the volume of people choosing to have affairs, one thing feels very clear. Men and women are really struggling to live together in a meaningful way for both people.

In todays post I’m going to talk about some of the skills I’m teaching couples in crisis to help them naturally rebuild their relationship, and their attraction so it naturally recreates their sexually energy.

Men and women are ill equipped to live together and so they suffer from very similar problems in terms of understanding each other their relationship and what it takes to really make it work. They end up losing feelings of love and attraction for their partner. So I have to help these couples learn what’s happened to lose these feelings and what we have to do to bring them back.

I’m now seeing 20 couples couples in crisis a week and although all their problems are all very unique what they are all doing is very common..

So what I’m seeing is without knowing people are naturally creating many behaviours that actually accelerate the end of their relationship.

Most have lost who they are in the relationship and they are protecting themselves from their partner.

So to help a couple get to their truth when I work with a couple I have to understand five facts.

1. Where they are today?
2. Where they want to be?
3. The steps (strategy) we need to take to get them there?
4. What might sabotage their progress?
5. Make sure it lasts if being together is a win-win for both people.

The strategy for each couple is different because the way they have built their problems is going to be connected to many factors.

To be clear I’m never worried how bad a couples relationship is when they turn up because with the right approach many seemingly impossible problems can be overcome.

Where they need to get to will have to encompass some to all of the following foundations. This is some of what my clients are learning on their journey from crisis to reconnection. 

1. Relationships are a place a person goes to add value to the person they say they love.
2. Care about your partners experience in life and relationship.
3. Both people must become their most authentic selves in the way they show up.
4. They must design their relationship and life together so their relationship has a purpose.
5. They must both understand their roles, this is NOT about who puts the bins out, who earns the money, or who cleans the house.
6. Couples must learn how to keep their sexual energy alive for life?
7. They must know how to repair their relationship when it goes wrong, because it will.
8. They must learn how to become a team.
9. They must always behave in ways that reflect what they say is important so they don’t come across as flaky, or untrustworthy.
10. They must make kindness a foundation of how they approach their life challenges.
11. They both must learn how their partner creates their feelings and what they really mean.

When couples embark on this journey with me it is done in a way that gives them not only a great chance of discovering what they are both capable of but it also creates an natural attraction which ignites sexual energies.

Without guidance many couples automatic response to each other naturally kills their attraction, so it’s key to learn the skills that lays the foundation for life long attraction, so their sexual energy can grow.

The key to this training is easy steps to powerful new behaviours.