Many people are killing their relationship without knowing. Below I have created a simple list of the kinds of behaviours I see that consistently break relationships. Any one of these will cause problems and many couples practice many all at once.
Many people create negative feelings within them and then attach those feelings to their relationship.
Too many people practice these relationship eroding behaviours and are not aware they are part of the problem they are complaining about.
The saddest part is too many couples are parting not because their relationship is wrong for them, but because they simply don’t understand how to create a relationship that works. The result is they build fear through resentments.
Any of these behaviours below will hurt your relationship
1. Assuming your partner is trying to hurt you.
2. Being right is more important than anything.
3. Becoming your partners judge.
4. Expect more from your partner than you do of yourself.
5. Assume your partner thinks the same way you do.
6. Assume the way you think is the way your partner should think.
7. Assume your partner can mind read what you need.
8. Mind reading your partners thoughts.
9. Create an assumption of your partner behaviours and make them responsible for your translation.
10. Bury your problems and hope they will go away.
11. Agree to have a life together with no plan or purpose of being together.
12. Know that something isn’t working such as circular arguments, but do them anyway.
13. Holding back – Love, truth, openness.
14. Create beliefs and hold onto them as if they were facts.
15. Ignore what you value and then wonder why you feel so bad.
16. Feel bad and assume that your relationship is the cause.
17. Assume that holding back in your relationship will protect you – it won’t!
18. Lose love for your partner and assume your relationship is dead.
19. Protect yourself from your partner.
20. Add no to little value to your partner and expect them to want to stay.
21. Assume your partner should know what you need.
22. Think that what you’re saying is clear to your partner.
23. Looking for someone to blame.
If you can see any of the above in your relationship know that it’s designed to meet a critical need for that person. When the need can be established then the person can be helped to meet that need in a way which is constructive for that person and can grow the relationship.