No matter what you feel is the reason for your crisis, getting to the root cause is critical to help you move forward.
So many couples come in to my programs feeling they know what their real problem is only to discover a far deeper and much more powerful force is at play either within the individual(s), or within the dynamic, or sometimes both.
I have written historically about the idea that couples with marital problems always bring to me ‘symptoms’.
These are things like: Loss of love, Parenting Misalignment, Stress, Depression, Affairs, Money problems, Circular conflict, Controlling behaviours, Power struggles, Loss of passion/sexual attraction.
These are just a few of the many challenges couples are focused on and are trying to fix.
One of the core reasons couples are in trouble is they are under the illusion that the ‘symptom’ is what needs fixing when in reality it’s what’s caused the symptom is what really needs swift attention.
So when problems happen it’s so important to understand why.
For example: If someone has an affair and the couple don’t understand the true background behind the affair, what can happen is they can try to bury it. This gives them the illusion it is sorted.
If the real reason ‘the affair’ happened was not fully understood or dealt with and what caused the affair kept working in the background without the couple knowing this can leave the couple open and vulnerable to…
…either another affair, or a range of problems such as overly controlling behaviours, persistent loss of trust, emotional disconnect, self-numbing, or one-both people never really feeling like themselves.
I have seen people dramatically affected for 30 plus years from discovering an affair because they never really understood it and so they lived on-guard, protecting themselves, never really being themselves.
No matter what situation is presented to me a consistent theme is both people usually turn-up in my sessions with a pattern of defending/protecting themselves from their partner on some level.
By discovering the fear and where it’s rooted is so important if both people are to grow into a safe and free life.
They both need to be safe and free to be who they really are…
- What if controlling behaviours are rooted in childhood?
- What if a person chose to trust no one because a parent didn’t protect them as a child?
- What if a person can never be themselves because of a decision they made in their last relationship?
Many couples discover that their current relationship has been strengthening a fear within one person that was created long before the current relationship even started.
- Some people discover they have modelled in effective behaviours from their own parents.
- Some people discover they have destructive patterns that were designed to keep them safe but never would.
The biggest challenge is all these patterns are hidden and deep rooted challenges and they need to be understood for the couple to learn why their relationship is so challenged.
So if you are going round in circles not sure what to do? If you feel stuck wondering if your relationship could ever work, or worried if you’re even compatible?
Now is your chance to find out: Make contact with us today to discover how we can help…
