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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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Why do people leave their marriages?

When you start to understand the real reasons why people leave marriages then you can start to create the solutions that work.

Affairs, money problems, boredom, power struggles, loss of love, loss of passion, loss of trust these are all symptoms of the real problem.

I see so many couples who have suffered for years with each other and within a short space of time have successfully reconnected. Their problems are diverse and their solutions were all different, but they all had the same deep-rooted problems.

What’s the hidden problem?

What is it that’s causing us so much pain and disconnection? Do people just naturally fall out of love or is there more to this than meets the eye?

The real pain I see is in a significant disconnected from themselves when they are with their husband or wife that leads to an overwhelming desire to leave.

The loveliest people in life can become controlling, unhappy, mean, spiteful, difficult in their intimate relationships.

If you watched a person in marital crisis at home and then with their friends or at work you would notice a change in them as they reconnect to themselves outside of the marriage yet they shift back to the disconnected version of themselves when they go home.

It’s like the person puts on a protective armour as they step in the door and takes it off when they leave.

This armour will also come with a variety of weapons they use to control their relationship.

So, in essence, the person who wants out of their marriage is going to be struggling to feel they can be who they really are when they are with their partner.

This is critical to understand because the person in pain has attached their pain to their partner unaware they are the creator of their pain.

Not being able to be who we are with our partners creates suffering that leads to resentments that stack over time. This negative energy creates a shift to only see what’s wrong with the marriage.

I can’t be me when I’m with you and now all I can see is your bad qualities so you’re no longer attractive to me. In fact, I now feel I need to protect myself from you.

This has the power to help the person rewrite history, we should never have married, I knew it was wrong I never really loved you – this story becomes this person’s new truth.

When this negative energy takes hold the person then struggles to see any future that makes sense.

Some people are openly vocal about their struggle and they usually do it a way that accelerates disconnection, or they silently struggle and out of the blue they present a desire to divorce.

What I see is a lot of very stuck people who have lost their ability to be connected to themselves when they are with their partner.

They know how to be mums and dads, they know how to be sons and daughters, they know how to be workers or friends but they have no idea really how to be lovers for life.

It’s so important if you are going to break up a family to really understand what is creating the pain to leave.

So many of my clients discover their pain was real but they were creators of that pain due to not understanding how to translate their own feelings and their partner behaviours.

In my twenties when a girlfriend was upset at me that used to create pain in me. I was being attacked! I had to defend myself and get equally angry at her to stop her.

Today with Cloe I see her upset as a cry for support and a time for me to step-up and look after her.

Can you see how a new understanding in me no longer gives me my own pain.

The sad reality is so many people are leaving relationships for the wrong reasons and with a few important shifts of understanding they can become powerful partners who add massive value to their relationship and their families.

To all subscribers: I’m going to be sending an email to you today at 6.00pm with an invitation to speak with me so if your interested don’t miss it.

  • About
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Stephen Hedger
Stephen Hedger
About the author:

Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach

With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.

Click to find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
Stephen Hedger
Latest posts by Stephen Hedger (see all)
  • All successful people have done this to save their marriage and avoid an almost certain divorce! - May 30, 2020
  • 10 Steps for Divorce Prevention - May 25, 2020
  • Marriage Breakthrough – “Why did they change their minds?” - May 23, 2020

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"Working with Stephen was the most valuable 12 hours of my life. He gave me the tools to build a deeply loving, passionate relationship. His compassion, humour, and insight truly transformed me as a man."

ANDY - CEO & FOUNDER

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Recent Posts

  • Why You Love Each Other But Don’t Want Each Other
  • “Your Marriage is On FIRE”
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Over 1300 Relationship Articles



Categories

  • A thought for Sunday (29)
  • Case Studies (2)
  • Communication (70)
  • Destructive Patterns (137)
  • Discussion (2)
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  • Loss of Love (43)
  • Loss of passion (35)
  • Lost Attraction (22)
  • Marriage Coaching (435)
  • Marriage Mastery Assessment (1)
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  • Mini Posts (3)
  • Monday Breakthrough (2)
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  • Rebuilding trust (39)
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  • Retirement Crisis (6)
  • Save Marriage Alone (42)
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  • Stop & Never – Mini Posts (54)
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  • Top 10 Popular Posts (12)
  • Uncategorized (761)

Primary Sidebar

I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

“There’s no hope in hell – I want a divorce!”

April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

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Head Office
10 Harley Street
London
W1G 9PF
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Recent Clients: Scotland, Ireland, Texas, New York, Dubai, Los Angeles, Austrailia, Japan, Germany, France, Ireland, UK, Monaco to name a few.

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems.

Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • Why You Love Each Other But Don’t Want Each Other
  • “Your Marriage is On FIRE”
  • What If Everything You’re Trying to Fix… Isn’t the Problem?
  • FREE Coaching: 5 Days to Clarity in Your Marriage
  • Helping Women Understand Their Husbands

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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