What happens when a person has doubt, especially doubt about their relationship?
What this doubt creates is a person living a story that helps them prove their doubt is real.
A person who has not experienced a good time in their marriage can create a story that proves a lack of attraction or a lack of love.
This story can create the belief within them that their problem is unsolvable.
Many people can go through their lives strongly connected to these beliefs.
They are not aware their beliefs are being created by a mind that has yet to be conditioned to see the many perspectives available to them.
One perspective doesn’t make a truth.
Their worldview is far too narrow and will form a bias they call fact.
I once heard a famous change consultant say, “Your level of success will seldom exceed your levels of personal development”.
By conditioning themselves to believe their own story it’s proof that their lack of “personal development” will stop their success both today and in the future.
The distortion will continue for that person until the person can see it.
In many cases, doubt is the person’s biggest problem, so they use it to shield themselves from more suffering.
They don’t believe their partner can change; they don’t believe they will feel any different even if they do.
Doubt and loss of belief is going to create a significant problem because the thinking is distorted.
Most couples do have the potential to rebuild their connection because 9 times out of 10, the problem is in the couple’s understanding of themselves and each other.
The problem is that with so much doubt growing over the years the person will either take too little action, or the wrong action which won’t work.
This will result in them seeing that as the proof or reality of their situation.
This will fuel their belief and their doubt, especially if practiced over the years.
This distortion will then form the persons’ belief.
People who are convinced their perspective or story is the right one will usually take part in any changes half-heartedly.
This is why dealing with that person’s beliefs is a critical part of their own healing process.
The solution starts with the person and their distorted beliefs.
So instead of fighting or giving up.
Once they embrace “acceptance” that whatever they created together didn’t work and wasn’t ever going to work “the way they did it” they can then look for a new way to see or create their truth.
They need to embrace and question their own thinking because it’s limited by being only one perspective so it’s never the whole truth.
The problem in so many cases isn’t the couple or their relationship it’s the dynamic they have created whilst not understanding how to support and bring out of themselves and each other.
What is required is an unwavering faith in learning the truth and a massive effort to fight against their old distorted thinking.
The solution sits in a person committing to themselves to realise what they did to themselves and how they are a significant part of the problem(s) they feel they must leave.
If a person no longer has feelings for their partner, they need to know how they switched them on when they first met and how and why switched them off when they misunderstood their partner.
Remember, just because you think it doesn’t make it true!